The A-Team

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I love it when a plan comes together.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[Overlooking Hannibal's mission plan] Oh hell yeah, Hannibal! This is it right here!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
This is bat sh*t insane! It's perfect

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
This is beyond nuts, boss.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[laughs] It gets better.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[from trailer] Aw hell naw, I ain't steppin' foot in any type of aircraft

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Man up! Now get in there, we've gotta finish the escape! Man up and get in there!

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
[about Face's team] I would never tell him this, but they are the best at what they do, and they specialize in the ridiculous.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[from trailer] I'm BA, and you're gonna be unconcious.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[from trailer] Where's the plan boss?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You actually sound worried.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[Murdock has dropped cargo crushing Baracus' van] You pancaked my van! I'm gonna kill you, fool!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
You can't park there! That's a handicap zone!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
This is a heck of a beautiful place. Is this a timeshare, I'd like to get into... [gets Punched in the face by soldier] Good morning!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I believe that no matter how random things may appear, there's still a plan.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[Repeated Line] I love it when a plan comes together.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Turned off chopper engine after being shot at] That's how we deal with heat seekers, chaps! We go cold.

[Hannibal has escaped being cremated]

Crematorium Attendant:
You... are not permitted... in my... [kicks open the crematory door, where Hannibal stands up, and blushes]

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
So, Satan walks into this bar. [the attendant faints]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Murdock, what did I tell you? You have to

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You have to

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck, Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
*Catch* him, *after* you inject him.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
My bad.

Flight Control Commander:
Are they trying to shoot down the other drone?

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
No, they're trying to fly that tank.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[after B.A almost fell out of the chopper] Close the door! I know you're airborne rangers, but that was ridiculous!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I like your bed, Milt. But how do you maintain your face?

Pensacola Prisoner Milt:
Never mess with the face.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Murdock, singing as he spins on the hospital helicopter blade] You spin me right round baby, right round!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Hang on, everybody - I wanna try something I saw in a cartoon once!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! In other words, Adios... Mother... !

General Javier Tuco:
So you're Army Intelligence?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Who, me? Naaaah!

General Javier Tuco:
Not so intelligent man, because you seem to be stuck in some tires.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Is that gas? Is that you?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
There's a plan in everything, kid, and I love it when a plan comes together.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[after breaking Murdock out the team speeds away from Sosa who starts firing] She's actually shooting at us!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Murdock pokes his head out of the escape vehicle wearing 3D glasses] You should see these bullets in 3D!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Murdock, get in here!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
It's like we're actually being shot at!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
We are getting shot at you crazy ass fool!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[after being arrested again at the end] Nice plan, Face.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Yea, we just trade Lynches and now we're going back to prison.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
We returned the plates, we can hold our heads high. We did the right thing.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Yea, and look what it got us. This is bullshit.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
They burned us again, Hannibal. We trusted the system, and it turned on us.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Remember boys, no matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan... kid.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I don't mean to steal your line, boss, but [shows key to handcuffs in mouth] I love it when a plan comes together.

[Murdock and his fellow inmates are watching a 3D movie - The Greater Escape -. During the opening shot of a Humvee, just as it is gettting close to the screen, a real Humvee bursts out of the wall. Sosa is knocked to the ground and the entire audience applauds]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[in a British accent] Oh Captain! Your chariot awaits!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[runs and hops into the vehicle] Sorry boys, gotta run! Can't finish the movie! Do let me know how it ends!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Charissa, where you hiding? Hey, stay beautiful baby.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Punch it B.A.!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[throws it in reverse] Let's go, fool!

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
[Murdock is piloting down the runway in take-off mode. Sosa's driver turns right into his path] Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Face, your girlfriend's back.

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
Reverse now!

Ravech:
Son of a b*tch! [throws the car in reverse]

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
Move your ass now!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
The C-130 versus the Mercedes Benz!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Lift us off Murdock!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[the Team is escaping in the C-130] You let the real pilots go!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
BA, relax, you're gonna be fine.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Hands BA a pill] Take one of these

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
What is this? Will it knock me out? It better knock me out because if it don't I'm gonna knock you out.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Bosco all these buttons are confusing me!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Shut up Murdock!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
WHY WE IN A FALLING TANK?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
BECAUSE THE PLANE EXPLODED?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
What plane? what, when?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Recently! Reapers shot it down!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Reapers? What reapers?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
The same ones that are trying to kill us now!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I blame you, Hannibal!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Technically, we're not flying...

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I know, 'cause we FALLING, fool!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Posing as a doctor, stitching BA's arm] Almost hit your tattoo there. The old Ranger tat. [Leans in close] Would you think I was crazy if I told you I had one of these?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
There's something wrong with your eyes, man.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I see you've all met Mr. Murdock.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Met him? He lit my arm on fire! [Murdock starts laughing]

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
He stitched a lightning bolt in mine.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Look at me, son. I'm told you're a hell of a chopper pilot.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
The best, sir.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I'm not gettin' on a chopper with this nutjob!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Yea, is this another one of your little 'projects'?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
I'm a real soldier, I'm a Ranger baby!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I'm worried!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[to Hannibal] I'm a Ranger, sir.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
That's good enough for me.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[waking up after being knocked out for a flight and falling face first] Why does it feel like I fell on my face?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Overkill is underrated.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[justifying his newly adopted non-violent attitude, he quotes Gandhi] "Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary."

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[answers with his own Gandhi quote] "It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence."

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[about to try and shoot down drones in the tank] Hey Bosco, I'm a little stuffy. I'm gonna pop a window!

Lynch:
I want her phones, her computers, any support packages she operates, I want to know everything! I want active intercept taps on everything she's got, I want every move monitored from this moment forwards...

Agent Blair:
You realize she's D.O.D ?

Lynch:
I don't care if she's G.O.D. ! Do it !

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
[Lynch taking Pike out of her custody] Sorry, Pike. At least with me there are rules.

Lynch:
CIAs got rules. Our rules are just cooler than yours.

Lynch:
Wow, that's awesome! That looks exactly like Call Of Duty, doesn't it?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
There's nothing like some good air-to-air combat, hey boys?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Don't look at me, look at him!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Flying the C-130] Ladies and gentleman we are expecting some slight turbulence so please remain in your seats until the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelts sign. Don't worry boys, turbulence has never brought down a plane!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[Reaper drones lock on C-130, warning alarms sound] What the hell is that?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
But, we got inbound subsonic UAVs with missile lock, and they bring down planes all the time!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Launching countermeasures against Reaper drones] You see that? That's my di-version! They die on this version!

Lynch:
[Walking through security] Yes we have weapons, no you may not wand us.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[Acknowledges Captain as she walks in] Captain.

Attractive Prison Guard:
Hey.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[Whispering] You left something on the bed.

Attractive Prison Guard:
[Picks up her underwear] You could have hid those.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Why would I wanna do that? You drive me crazy, I'll see you late.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[Trying to get BA onto C-130] Quit being a baby, you're a grown ass man!

Prison Warden:
Wait a minute, what is this? A lap pool, a dry steam room?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Yea it'll go a long way with the boys.

Prison Warden:
How in the hell do you pull this off?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
It's not who you know Bob, it's how you know them. Oh, did your boy get back from Afghanistan?

Prison Warden:
Yea, thanks for getting him home. His mother and I are real grateful.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
General Tuco, you are currently engaged in unauthorized warfare on United States Military Personnel.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
No no no no no no, you engaged me!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Repeat, you are engaged in unauthorized warfare on United States Military Personnel... over United States airspace.

General Javier Tuco:
What?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Alpha. Mike. Foxtrot! In other words, Adios Mother F...!

General Javier Tuco:
Oh, no... [Tuco gets shot down]

General Javier Tuco:
[Chasing the team in a helicopter] Blow 'em out of the sky!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[Does a barrel roll in helicopter] Ha, I've never tried this before! Did you see that?

General Javier Tuco:
Did you see how he turned the helicopter?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[using a pig oven glove] Hello my name's Percy. Would you like some pork?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
If I broke every bone in your hand, could you still do that?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Oh dammit! My head, man.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[presenting him with food] Coconut curry tapenade, your favorite.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Give me that, fool. You got them toast points?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Voila! Toast points.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
You had to knock me out again huh?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Okay now, the whole injection knocking out - Hannibal and Face. The curry tapenade - Murdock.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Why do I feel like I fell on my face, huh? Tell me that.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
What's wrong?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I don't know man, just thinking about this. We've always come back alive, the four of us, because of the old man.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
I know.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I'm not him.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Face, I know this.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Murdock, I'm not Hannibal.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Who has the most to lose on this, Face? Me, and I trust you.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Yeah, I know but... you're crazy.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[presents the Kevlar mask] Not that crazy.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[Walking into cargo bay of C-130] Gentleman!

C130J Pilot #1:
Holy sh*t, that's Hannibal Smith.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Are any of you armed and/or wanted federal fugitives?

C130J Pilot #1:
No.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Well we're both, which means...

C130J Pilot #1:
You're taking the plane?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
And that's why I joined the Army. The best and brightest. Appreciate it boys, that'll be all.

Lynch:
So Morrison's dead, Smith and his team are dead. Another fifteen minutes or so we'll locate those engraving plates.

Pike:
This is you gloating?

Lynch:
No, this is me beating you. After you burned me. We had a deal, remember?

Pike:
Not you and me.

Lynch:
You, me and Morrison.

Pike:
Not you and me directly.

Lynch:
And you two colluded and cut me out?

Pike:
[Kyle, Lynch's agent, is preparing to shoot Pike] Hey, what are you doing?

Lynch:
Are we going to do this in the car? He's going to do it?

Pike:
[Kyle drops the silencer] Way to go, that's brilliant right there.

Pike:
What are you doing? What is he doing? Jesus.

Lynch:
How's it going Kyle, are you all right?

Agent Kyle:
I'm good.

Pike:
Brother, you are far from good. What are you doing? [Kyle fumbling with the silencer] It's a suppressor, counter clockwise. You're holding a gun like that? You've held a gun like that before and you're still here? That's amazing. Jesus, hey, final request - don't let this guy shoot me please.

Lynch:
Okay, this was not well thought out.

Pike:
No sh*t? I mean I gotta teach you how to kill me, hey, do me a favor, all right? Put the barrel, put the gun flush to my head.

Agent Kyle:
You sure?

Lynch:
Is that going to go right through?

Pike:
Before you hurt somebody besides me. [Overpowers Kyle] We're okay. Never cuff a man in a seated position with his hands behind his back, makes it impossible to see the hands.

Lynch:
That was cool.

Pike:
You liked that?

Lynch:
Oh I liked that, I liked that a lot. [to Kyle] Are you all right, you idiot?

Agent Kyle:
Yeah it was a good hit.

Lynch:
Please handcuff him.

Pike:
We don't need to use them again, we don't need the cuffs. Hey, I didn't burn you, Morrison did.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[singing as he spins on the helicopter blade] You spin me right round baby, right round!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Who is this guy?

[after being let out of a shipping crate he was tricked into getting into]

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
The only reason I don't kick y'all asses is 'cause y'all outrank me.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[after shooting him] I know it hurts, but I have to make a point with you.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
That ain't what's pissin' me off. You shooting my van is what's pissin' me off, man!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
How's your day going?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
This is not going to taste good. [pukes]

Pike:
We make in a week what you guys make in a year.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Cash don't buy guts, kid. Or brains. And you're short on both.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[in a Scottish accent riding a stick horse] What would you give for one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!

Pike:
I like to travel light. Stuff like loyalty doesn't fit in the overhead bins.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[quoting Gandhi] It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence.

Pike:
[pointing gun at him] Don't take this too personally, but uh, look here. Smile, wait for the flash.

[last lines]

Narrator:
Still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if nobody can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
The only thing I remember is leaving, which is my fondest memory of you.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
You speak Swahili?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
You don't?

[after being shot in the head while wearing a bulletproof mask]

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
I don't feel good, I feel sane!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I never thought you would betray your oldest living friend.

Gen. Russell Morrison:
I just hit first, Hannibal! I'm a fighter, man!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You're a liar, and a traitor!

[Hannibal considers killing Morrison]

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[to Morrison] I saw your tomb at Arlington, you died a national hero... Death's too easy. The last thing we need now is another lie.

Gen. Russell Morrison:
Don't do this, Hannibal, please! You owe me that much...

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
YOU OWE ME! You're gonna tell them we're innocent! You owe me... [walks away]

Gen. Russell Morrison:
Hannibal, it's meaningless! What are you fighting for now, you and those boys? Your rank, your reputation? They're sh*t! You're convicts! Plates, no plates, you are federal fugitives, and when they're done with you, Hannibal, they just burn you!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Lynch is a paradox. He's a guy who needs animosity, but he loves theatricality. He's an administrator, he's not an operator. So he stays as far away from the point of impact as possible, and never gets his hands dirty if he can help it. But we're gonna change all that. This guy is never at the flashpoint of anything, he's safe and sound somewhere pulling the strings. So we're gonna bring this guy down to ground level, the last place he'd ever want to be. Then you put him on display, for the whole world to see...

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Man, this was so much easier when it was just three plastic cups...

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
You beat a guy like Lynch with three things: distraction, diversion and division. Then you put him on display, for the whole world to see...

Mexican Captor #1:
Only a hardheaded gringo would come down here on a rescue mission... all alone!

Mexican Captor #2:
The gringo won't talk.

Mexican Captor #1:
Then kill him.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Charissa, come on. I am a federal fugitive. You know who I am, and . I'm here because, in the end, the truth is worth the risk. And I believe in you, even if you don't believe in me. God, I forgot how beautiful you are.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Where's my girl, fool?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I guess the plan went OK, considering Pike blew up the boat which I didn't account on...

[Face sees Kyle approaching Charisa Sosa and reaching for his gun, fires two shots with a concealed pistol to make noise]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[Pointing at Kyle's direction, speaking in German] Oh, mein Gott! Er hat eine Waffe! Er hat eine Waffe! EINE WAFFE! ["Oh my God, he's got a gun! Right there, he's got a gun! A gun!"]

[an uproar ensues; Kyle stares at Face, dumbfounded and still reaching for his gun]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[walks away] Sucker.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I was trying to save her.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Save her?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Yeah.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
SAVE HER?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Yeah!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
How? Please do share with us your plan, Face!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
...okay, I hadn't thought about that yet.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Exactly! I had to!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
What is part of a well-oiled plan?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
To be one step ahead of the enemy, NOT to be running away from him!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Who says we're running?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You bring in Black Forest and it's an international incident, I promise you. They're not soldiers, they're frat boys with trigger fingers! Who's running their ground team?

Gen. Russell Morrison:
Brock Pike.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Pike? He's a thug, he's a cartoon character!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[opening fire] YEAH! WHAT YOU GOT, B*TCHES? WHAT YOU GOT? YEAH!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I never caught your name.

Other Lynch:
I'm Agent Lynch.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Of course you are...

[Murdock uses gunpowder as a spice at a braai]

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Murdock, burn the hell outta that, like it was damned!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Burn the whole place down, buddy!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[cooking] Who wants secret sauce?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
NO! No, no, no, no, no! NOT anti-freeze!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Secret's out, you crazy! Everybody knows!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
No one can do an anti-freeze marinade like you can, Murdock, but I had a little Bells palsy last time...

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
That's only partial paralysis!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
What can I do for you, Mr. Lynch?

Lynch:
I need you to help me stop Saddam's former flunkies from stealing over a billion dollars in the next thirty hours. The only mint outside the U.S. capable of printing our money belonged to the Shah of Iran; during the Iraq-Iran war it went missing. Rumor was that Saddam'd stolen it.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
And we got it back in Desert Storm.

Lynch:
Well, we didn't get the engraving plates.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
It didn't matter. They would have had to rebuild the mint just to print those bills.

Lynch:
Well, sir, it's happening as we speak. Fadday's thugs have seized what's left of the Iraqi national mint to run off millions of dollars of unbacked American currency.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
How are they planning to move the plates and a billion dollars out of Baghdad?

Lynch:
Armoured convoy. Men with former Iraqi backups. You know, high-speed shoot-to-kill types. So how do you plan on stopping them?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[Murdock tries passing a radio to B.A] Listen, fool, you can call air strike for yourself!

[a French reporter slaps Face]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Oooh-la-la. [They kiss]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Who's gonna let him out?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
YOU!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[inside a trailer that was airlifted to base] What you don't realize is, now I gonna kill ALL y'all!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Your Honour, these men were acting under my command. Any judgment should be levied on me and me alone.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
Absolutely not, sir! We were all participating in this operation willingly!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I won't be tried separately.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
I refuse to be tried separately.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I'm too young to die!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
BOSCO!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
[to Face] You almost got yourself killed, you almost got me killed, and you almost got him killed! [to B.A]

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[after being let out of the trailer] I sweat, I stink, and I can't spend none of that money!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
The bullets didn't even go through, how you feeling?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Not good... not good. I feel sane!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
I should've shot you in the head a long time ago.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
I'm guessing you didn't get religion on the inside.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Nope, I got revenge.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
[to Hannibal] You carjacking me? What is this, opposite day?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[after setting Face's arm on fire] You're dangerous, I like you!

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
They haven't come out of there in three hours? At all? Not to take a leak or anything? I've only been here three seconds and that sounds very strange.

German Doctor #1:
[observing Murdock during electroshock therapy] This guy Murdock is nuts. I wonder if he's [flicks tongue] nuts or [rolls eyes] nuts.

German Doctor #2:
[during Murdock's electroshock therapy] He seems completely impervious to it. It's impossible to develop a base reading.

German Doctor #1:
Have you increased the voltage?

German Doctor #2:
Every single session, yes.

German Doctor #1:
And? [2nd doctor points]

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
Is that all you got? Here we go. [voltage is increased, laughing] Yeehaw! [Generator burns out and the room turns black] Yeah, I think I might've felt something there.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[in the falling tank] It's been a pleasure serving with you, gentlemen. The greatest ride is the last ride, Colonel!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
[about to let B.A. out of the trailer] Does it make sense I'm more scared now than what we just did?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Face, you have nothing to worry about.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck:
If I was worried, I'd be nailing myself to the container.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You Army Ranger, son?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Be real careful what you say next, pops.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
And be ready to empty that burner if you start s**t-talking my battalion.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
Colonel Hannibal Smith. 75th Ranger Regiment.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
4th Battalion. Fort Benning Georgia. I know who you are sir. Corporal B.A. Baracus. I mean, it was till I was dishonorably discharged for some bullshit.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I don't subscribe to coincidence, corporal. I believe that no matter how random things might appear, there's still a plan.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
That here in the middle of the Mexican desert, when I needed him most, I'd find a fellow Ranger.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
Sorry, my friend. I see you've put the South African microphone at the bottom. You can't always put the CNN on top.

Lynch:
Colonel, my name is Lynch. I'm with Central Intelligence.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
I knew a company man named Lynch back in the first Desert Storm.

Lynch:
Yeah, I come from a long line of Lynches.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith:
You ever stop to consider maybe the reason nobody trusts the CIA is because nobody knows your real names?

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock:
[escaping from psych ward wearing 3D glasses] These guys are shooting at us! It's like we're actually being shot at!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus:
You *are* getting shot at, you crazy ass fool.

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
US Military, we got him.

Pike:
[surrendering to a squad] Yeah, this is about the right amount of cops.

Capt. Charisa Sosa:
That's cute. You're lucky there are people around.

Pike:
No sweetheart, you're lucky.