The Acid House

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
COCO F***IN' BRYCE!

Doreen:
Tell us who ye've been seein'.

Boab Snr:
Dolly Parton.

Doreen:
I can't hear ye.

Boab Snr:
Dolly Parton!

Doreen:
That f***in' slut? I knew it. Who else?

Boab Snr:
Anna Ford... and that Madonna, but just the once.

Doreen:
Scumbag. Bastard. Ya dirty f***in' prick! You know what this means...

Boab Snr:
No, no Doreen... not the shite. I can't eat your shite.

Doreen:
I'm gonna shite in your mouth. It's what we both want. Don't deny it.

Boab Snr:
Shite in my mouth!

Catriona:
[Larry is beating Jonny] Blooter that bastard! Kill the f***in' c*nt! Ya f***in' knob! He's got our f***in' electricity! He's got ma f***in' bairn! Go back to your ma! Lick your ma's f***in' piss-flaps, ya f***in' c*nt!

Sgt. Morrison:
So, what's been happening tonight, Brian?

PC Cochrane:
Well, there's the rapist. The guy that stabbed the boy in the shopping centre. And this comedian down here.

Sgt. Morrison:
Well, I've had a wee word with our rapist. Seems a nice enough young fellow. Tells us the whore was askin' for it. It's the way of the world, Brian. As for the guy that stabbed the boy - well, silly wee bugger, but... boys will be boys. What's the story with this tube-stake?

PC Cochrane:
Caught him smashing up a telephone box.

Sgt. Morrison:
[disgusted] Tsk tsk.

Rory:
Awww, the wee Tom-Tom. Goo goo, ga ga.

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
Shut your f***in' mouth, you, ya specky git.

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
[about to be breast-fed] Phwoar, ya dirty c*nt, ye. You've got some set a' jugs on ye, right enough, doll. Business gear.

God:
You f***ed this one up, ya daft c*nt.

Boab:
Eh? What?

God:
You. Bob Coyle. No house, no job, no bird, no mates, police record, sore ribs - all in the space of a few hours. Nice one.

Boab:
How the f*** do you know my business, eh? What the f***'s it got to do with you, eh?

God:
It's my f***in' business to know. I'm God.

Boab:
Away to f***, ya old radge.

God:
F***in' hell... another wise c*nt.

Boab:
I've had a f***in' hard time, and now I've just met God. The c*nt's gonna turn us into an insect.

Jenny:
[Coco, has a baby, has just spoken] You spoke, Tom.

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
Aye, I did. Look, sit doon. I mean sit down. F***... eh? You'd better not say nowt to no c*nt about this, right?

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
I'm gettin' a wee bit hungry, though, eh.

Jenny:
Oh, I'll take you home and make you something.

Colin 'Coco' Bryce:
Eh, I was thinkin' a wee bit more of the... tit.