The Adventures of Lano & Woodley

Frank:
You know, the actor guy! Oh, what is his name? See, the thing is... the thing is... the thing is that when I say his name, you'll go, 'YES! The actor guy, love him, adore him... ' But I can't think of his name. It's on the tip of my tongue. You know who I mean - he's got the hair... the eyes... a bit of a nose... and a mouth and it's all held together with... like a FACE!

Frank:
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will only cause permanent psychological damage!

Colin:
[to Frank] The first man hits the other man painfully [smacks Frank in the face]

Colin:
The first man hits the other man again... this time more painfullier [hits Frank in the head with a frying pan]

Frank:
Come on, Col! You're making a mountain out of a... very big hill.

Frank:
Granddad's dead!

Colin:
Frank, didn't your Granddad die 5 years ago? I think it's time you got over it. Remember? We were sitting at home? And you had to go down to the shops? And I got the phone call saying that he died, and when you got back from the shops I told... [pause] Granddad's dead, Frank!

Colin:
...remind the neighbours to feed the cat... yep...

Frank:
Col, we haven't got a cat

Colin:
But their cat's looking really skinny

Frank:
I'm an alien!

Colin:
[to Frank] You Stupid Little Skinny Man!

Colin:
It's gonna be great in there tonight isn't it? With all those pop stars and dancers and actors.

Frank:
I wonder if any of the great Hollywood actors'll be there Col, like Charlton Burton.

Colin:
[pauses] There's no such person you idiot. It's either Charlton Heston or Richard Burton.

Frank:
No, Charlton Burton. There's a Charlton Burton! He was in that film, that classic film, everybody loves it, 'The Long Long Eyebrow.' It's my favourite.

Frank, Colin:
[singing along with TV] 'Look at me, look at me; I want everyone to look at me... on 'Starquest!''

Colin:
Oh oh oh oh burnies burnies carpet burnies!

Father Richard:
[Repeated line] Call me Ricky.