The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones: Travels with Father

Anna Jones:
[scolding their son] Henry, we are guests in this house.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Guests, Junior. Not rampaging barbarians.

Anna Jones:
Your father will deal with you in the morning.

Indiana Jones:
What's he gonna do?

Anna Jones:
Have you shot in the morning. I will provide the blindfold.

Leo Tolstoy:
You reeking little swine, how dare you shoot me in the ass!

Indiana Jones:
I thought you were a giant weazle.

Leo Tolstoy:
Do I look like a giant weazle? Is it my twitching snout? My long, hairless tail? Are all little English boys as stupid as you?

Indiana Jones:
I'm not English, I'm American.

Leo Tolstoy:
That explains it.

Indiana Jones:
You have dogs? So do I. One I mean, her name's Indiana. I haven't seen her in over a year, though. 'Cause we've been traveling so much.

Leo Tolstoy:
You miss her?

Indiana Jones:
Yeah, you bet I do. Can't wait to see her when we get home. Wonder if she'll still remember me.

Leo Tolstoy:
Of course she will. Dogs are better than people.

Leo Tolstoy:
How dare you make me feel guilty!

Indiana Jones:
Hey, they were calling you Tolstoy. I think my father has some of your books. Didn't you write that eh, that really big fat one about war?

Leo Tolstoy:
And peace.

Indiana Jones:
No kiddin'. My father thinks you're great!

Leo Tolstoy:
Your dad's an imbicile.

Indiana Jones:
He's usually not wrong about this stuff. You should ask him.

Leo Tolstoy:
Do not try to see God through spectacles borrowed from the church. See God through your own eyes.

Indiana Jones:
Father, I don't think that he understand your ancient Greek.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Well he should have understood it.

Indiana Jones:
Father, I really doubt if a bus is even gonna come and if it does, there's probably only one a day and, and it's probably already gone!

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Junior, you are now being cynical.

Indiana Jones:
[beneath his breath] Yes sir.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
See, after skepticism comes cynicism.

Indiana Jones:
[Indy and his father are splashing around in a lake] I didn't even know you could swim.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
There's a lot you don't know about me, Junior. [splashes water at his son] When I was five years old, I used to go swimming in a loch. Now that was cold!

Indiana Jones:
[Indy and his father are splashing around in a lake] Father!

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
What?

Indiana Jones:
You know how you said that we should let ourselves be consumed by nature?

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Yes.

Indiana Jones:
Well, nature is consuming our clothes.

Indiana Jones:
So your name's Aristotle?

Artistotle:
Yes. So my wife said: "Aristotle, she said, if you don't call that donkey Plato, you gonna have no one to talk to."

[laughs riotously]

Artistotle:
Hey, are you interested in politics?

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
No not much.

Artistotle:
Ah, then you're an idiot.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
[brief pause] Thank you, Aristotle.

Artistotle:
My pleasure. [laughs]

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
No, he's right, Junior. Our word 'idiot' comes from a Greek word which means 'one who is not interested in politics'.

Indiana Jones:
Yeah, I, I'll remember that.

Indiana Jones:
I'm bored.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Bored? Bored? We're sitting in one of the most fascinating libraries in this part of the world and you're bored?

Indiana Jones:
It's also the only library.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
I will not have you bored.

Indiana Jones:
But what causes nature?

Nikos Kazantzakis:
Bravo. That is a question that comes from wisdom and not from logic. You have found the question your father hoped he would find.

Indiana Jones:
I, I did?

Nikos Kazantzakis:
You see, God, the unmoved mover, the prime cause, God dances beyond the bounds of logic.

Indiana Jones:
A ladder is made of wood, right?

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
Yes.

Indiana Jones:
This cage is made out of wood.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
So?

Indiana Jones:
Ergo, our cage is a ladder.

Prof. Henry Jones, Sr.:
That's not what I call Aristotlian logic.

Indiana Jones:
We need a ladder, father. Let's turn our cage into a ladder.