The Age of Consent

Dora Swale:
[As Mike enters the restaurant where she is a waitress] Hello, polliwog.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Hello, Dora. [While looking for an empty booth to sit in, he overhears a couple talking loudly.]

Unseen Female I:
Whaddyou care if they're sharp or not? You can rub your beard off with a towel.

Unseen Male I:
Wait'll you start to shave. Alright, alright, what about free love?

Unseen Female I:
There's nothing free about MY love, Romeo. Just remember that.

Unseen Male I:
You for sale?

Unseen Female I:
Let's broaden the conversation.

Unseen Male I:
When I get on a subject I like to stay with it. Hey, how about that butter? [Disgusted with what he's hearing Mike gets up and moves to a different booth.]

Unseen Female II:
Stop it!

Unseen Male II:
[Brays stupidly] I'm gonna find out things for myself. How do I know? Ya may be knock-kneed. [Brays again]

Unseen Female II:
I thoughtcha came to college to develop your brain.

Unseen Male II:
Aw, who cares about brains? I come from a long line of people who work with their hands. [Brays yet again, and we hear a slap.] Alright, alright, whaddya wanna talk about? [Girl giggles incessantly.] That's not so funny. [Mike rolls his eyes and moves a second time.]

Dora Swale:
Are you working out for the track team or is this a new game?

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
I don't like free love with my meals.

Boy in next booth:
Trouble is with you, you're old fashioned.

Girl in next booth:
Maybe so, but what was good enough for my grandmother is good enough for me. [She picks up her purse and starts to leave.]

Boy in next booth:
Well I don't want to be honorable with you unless it's absolutely necessary.

Girl in next booth:
I'll call ya up sometime when I break training. [laughs and walks out]

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Don't they ever talk about anything else?

Dora Swale:
What else is there to talk about? How about somethin' to eat?

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Oh, I don't know what I want.

Dora Swale:
Gimme three guesses?

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
People ever talk about marriage any more? [Dora replies: "Some of the older people."]

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Why don't you get married? What do you hang around a dump like this for?

Dora Swale:
Scrambled eggs are nice.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
You're a good-lookin' girl.

Dora Swale:
Ya think so?

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
You're bright...

Dora Swale:
Oh, I get it. Bein' bright don't getcha nowhere--just lookin' dumb. When I first got this job, I usta go home nights and study grammar. I thought it might help me if I talked better. But after goin' out with a couple of these apes around here, I threw the grammar out the window and went in for self-defense.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Well, after all creation didn't stop when they made THESE gorillas. You oughta know some nice fellas that...

Dora Swale:
Sure, you mean in my own class.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Oh well, I didn't mean...

Dora Swale:
Oh, it's ok. Listen precious, it ain't much fun after workin' hard all day and goin' home nights and just goin' to bed, but it's much better than sittin' around the rest of your life listenin' to some iceman's helper yawnin' himself to sleep.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Yeah, I guess you got life pretty tough at that.

Dora Swale:
Oh, I ain't complainin'--not as long as YOU think I'm goodlookin'.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
What's that got to do with it?

Dora Swale:
Oh, it just helps me go on.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Don't look at me--I'm gonna be a missionary.

Dora Swale:
You'd make a SWELL missionary.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
[not sure if he's been insulted] What do you mean by that?

Dora Swale:
Oh, you arouse my savage instincts. [Mike grins broadly.] She hit ya pretty hard, didn't she?

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Whaddya mean?

Dora Swale:
How about the chicken patties? We're trying to get rid of them.

Michael 'Mike' Harvey:
Alright, wheel 'em in.

Dora Swale:
[shouting] Chicken patties for one!