The Albino Code

Narrator:
This summer, no matter what you've read; no matter what movie you've seen, Dan Brown doesn't know jack about... albino's.

Hooligan 1:
Hey go back to Albania, whole milk!

Hooligan 2:
Yeah, walk away you lab coat!

Whylas:
[after being dragged into scene by driver] That was quite rude!

Whylas:
You know my last job was at Food Mart, right?

Whylas:
[after putting on monk hood] Yeah; this is great! I burn easily.

Bob Bangdon:
You speak English! Why didn't you tell me?

Amelie:
I didn't want you to keep 'itting on me... besides, aren't you gay?

Bob Bangdon:
Ah... gah... ga- I'm ga...

Amelie:
You can't fool me. I saw Philadelphia.

Officer Howard:
Captain Fascist, heres a photo of our most likely suspect.

Captain Fascist:
No, you idiot. I want a color photograph.

Officer Howard:
Sir, this is a color photograph, he's an albino.

Captain Fascist:
Albeeno.

Officer Howard:
Albino.

Captain Fascist:
Yes, that is what I said: Albeeno.

Officer Howard:
But that's wrong.

Captain Fascist:
Hm. Are they, uh - legal in this country?

The Preacher:
Next, you need to drive across town to The Louvre.

Whylas:
Oh-you know, I can't... drive a car. I don't have a license.

The Preacher:
Then God will provide another way.

English Girl:
[as Whylas tries to steal bike] My bike! Get away!

Whylas:
[after Girl With Bike kicks him] What the junk? Ow! That was my shin!

English Girl:
Stop your cryin'!

Captain Fascist:
Officer Howard. We are dealing with an Albeeno, which means: He has red eyes, evil in his heart, and create a storm the likes of which the human race has never seen. God help us all.

Whylas:
Pizza? With a side of... death?

Curator:
[after Whylas removes hood] All right! I'll give it to you, you mon-ster. Ze keystone, is een my pock-et. Please, don't kill me.

Whylas:
[after Matrix twin appears] Wrong movie, dude.

Bob Bangdon:
Keystone! See, I saw the guy with the pizza I thought you meant tombstone!

Amelie:
Quoi?

Bob Bangdon:
Qu-oi? You keep saying that! Qu-oi! What does that mean?

Captain Fascist:
Shut up, everyone! You'll anger the red-eyed demon!

Officer Howard:
Actually sir, his eyes are blue.

Captain Fascist:
Howard. He's using his magic Albeeno trickery on you.

Captain Fascist:
Officer Howard... did you see this? Like, a ghost, from ze bowels of hell- he vanished.

Officer Howard:
Uh... no, actually, sir- he's uh- walkin' away, right now, literally right there in your eye-line.