The Alf Garnett Saga

Passenger:
This is a non-smoking compartment, Sir.

Alf Garnett:
I can read, can't I?

Passenger:
There are smoking compartments you know?

Alf Garnett:
And for your information, Mr Clever Dick, they're all bloody-well full, aren't they?

Passenger:
Smoking is a filthy, disgusting and dangerous habit.

Alf Garnett:
Dangerous? Dangerous? For your information, the money what come out of the tobacco tax last year was enough to pay for your National Health Service. It's the only thing that keeps the country solvent, innit? Dangerous! Cor blimey, if your country's involved in a war, you can't refuse to come to the colours just because it's bloody dangerous, can yer? People like you who give up smoking because it's dangerous ought to be given white feathers for cowardice, mate. Yeah. I'm smoking for England. And the Queen.

Alf Garnett:
Well, I mean, see if we go into Europe...

Else Garnett:
I thought we was in Europe. I mean, I thought we always have been.

Alf Garnett:
I know that, yer silly moo. I'm not talking about that aspect am I? I'm talking about the Common Market aspect of the going into Europe.

Alf Garnett:
Old Enoch's against it, in't 'e, eh? He don't want no more bloody foreigners over here. We got enough bloody foreigners here as it is. Bloody country's swarming with Eities and Krauts and Froggies and Spagnollies and Brussel Sprouts. All coming over here and taking our jobs off of us, aren't they?

Else Garnett:
Well, we can go over there and take the jobs off of them.

Alf Garnett:
I don't want to go over there, do I?

Else Garnett:
Wish you would.

Alf Garnett:
[tapping newspaper with the headline 'The Million Pound Queen'] Course she needs the money. She's broke, 'Er Majesty

Else Garnett:
And 'im

Alf Garnett:
I mean, look at that Royal Ascot. She had to turn up in a horse and cart. Everybody else in their bleedin' Rolls Royces. Bloody Wilson. Darlin' 'Arold. He's bankrupted her.

Else Garnett:
So you say

Alf Garnett:
So I say? So I say? Will you shut up you stupid pie-can. Not a question of what I say. It's facts, innit?