The Andy Dick Show

Andy:
I swear to Christ I heard a goddamned Dracula underneath my bed!

Director:
Hey, Daphne... you can lip-sync if you want...

Daphne:
Oh, ok, and you can just spite me 'cause this b*tch ain't no Milli Vanilli.

Daphne:
I'm going to my trailer. TJ, trailer...

Himself, Daphne Aquilera, The Boogie Man, etc...:
[doing an Anti-Drug commercial] Drugs... aren't that bad.

[Ashton Kutcher drops Andy's Dead Cat]

Andy:
Ashton Kutcher killed my cat!

Ashton Kutcher:
Goddamnit Andy, That cat is dead!

Andy:
Yeah, because of you catkiller! Are you gonna go out and drown some puppies now? How about strangle some babies while your at it! YOU KILLED MY CAT ASHTON KUTCHER, I HATE YOU!

Himself, Daphne Aquilera, The Boogie Man, etc...:
[doing a documentary on a man who thinks his racist dad was a superhero] My Daddy's superhero name was Kaptain Klean, but i don't know what the other K stands for.

Daphne:
[on a "Making the Video" parody] The concept of this video is: I'm so hot, everyone wants to screw me, and that's pretty much it.

Andy:
[as a designer on a makeover show, after giving the woman getting made-over shoes made from car tires] Not only are these shoes roomy, but they also provide all-weather traction.

[repeated line]

FEAR Contestant:
BUT I'M THE SAFETY!

Medical Patient:
I have cancer.

Andy:
No, you mean you have ANGELS!

Medical Patient:
No I have cancer.

Andy:
[as Peebop the Clown] Your grandpa went to the big ice cream parlor in the sky!

Andy:
You guys are acting like stupid people. Like a bunch of stupid poor people! Like a bunch of stupid, poor ethnic people!