The Angry Joe Show

[first lines]

Angry Joe:
You f***ed it up!

[last lines]

The Spoony One:
Now you know how it feels, Angry Joe! You know what the bullshit of betrayal feels like as it rains down on your head. And it smells like... f***ing... I hate it! It's just... [walks off-camera, crying and screaming incoherently]

Angry Joe:
Apparently, a marine from the original Aliens movie has survived. Ohooooo!

The Spoony One:
What? You can't be serious!

Angry Joe:
Oh, I'm serious, and when he's revealed it causes more "Wait, what?" questions than it's good for.

The Spoony One:
Well, who is it? Hudson? I dunno, I'm trying to think of characters that we definitely didn't see die. Umm, Apone?

Angry Joe:
No. And we are given a single sentence, a handwave explanation. Hey, I'm here! Why? That's why!

The Spoony One:
Okay, I've gotta know! Just tell me.

Angry Joe:
Okay.

[whispers]

Angry Joe:
It's actually Corporal Hicks.

The Spoony One:
What the...? No! No, bullshit!

Angry Joe:
Yeah.

The Spoony One:
Bullshit! No, come on, bullshit!

Angry Joe:
[about Call of Duty: Ghosts, which people say is worse than Advanced Warfare] What a piece of *crap* that must've been.

Other Joe:
Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Yeah.

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Sure.

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Um, okay.

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Jesus Christ, how many f***ing zombie games you buy, Joe?

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
No, I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANOTHER GODDAMN ZOMBIE GAME!

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Stop it!

Other Joe:
Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Stooooooop!

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Hey Joe, you wanna play a zombie game?

Angry Joe:
Kill me!

Other Joe:
[comes with another game] Joe, you wanna play a motherf***ing zombie game?

Angry Joe:
It will start a mod where you must destroy nests before you take too many deaths, giving huge XP rewards and just being a blast to play if you can get the F***ING THING to work.

Angry Joe:
When you f*** up the bike sound effects in your goddamn biker game, you know you done F***ED it up!

Angry Joe:
The game was supposed to be an open world biker game in the backdrop of the 1960s, where you could explore the open world in the western part of the United States, working your way through the ranks of a tough motorcycle gang. THAT sounds cool. Only what we got here is an aborted, desperately cobbled together pretender that's like a dead f***ing carcass taped back together and presented to us as if it were still alive.

Angry Joe:
Oh, and you're a biker so of course you get to go to the strip clubs. Yay, titties.

Angry Joe:
It's like the game is intentionally trying to get you to hate its f***ing guts... in the middle of the opening sequence! [biker glides slowly into a post, then randomly explodes] What the F*** just happened?

Angry Joe:
Then you're driving your bloaty-ass motorcycle in a race reminiscent of Big Rigs or Mother Truckers, unable to do anything more than QuickTime events as enemies materialize from thin air from the sides to fight you then fly off in random directions, exploding for NO F***ING REASON! [during gameplay, another biker stops beside a fence and then explodes] What the f*** was that?

Angry Joe:
The 1% in this game's title refers to its overall work, and the number of sane individuals who make it out alive! Better games have been canned and never released! This thing has nothing to offer anyone! Anywhere!