The Assistant

Andy Dick:
It's elimination time, b*tches!

Andy Dick:
[imitating Donald Trump] I've tried to run a tight ship here. Can't have any leaks. Can't have any screws loose, any leaks. So with that in mind, and with that said, Mark, you're fired.

Andy Dick:
[interview] Go ahead, little piggy, and laugh. Wee, wee, wee, wee,wee all the way home.

Andy Dick:
[to Anna] In my house, there's only room for one a**hole.

Anna:
And that's you.

Andy Dick:
And that hole would be me.

Andy Dick:
If you can't stomach a little head-cheese on a wooden stick, how are you going to stomach Hollyweird?

Andy Dick:
[after eliminating Tanika] Tanika has gumption. She really will go far. She's got good head start here, given that my driveway is over a mile and a half long. So, might wanna take a juice box.

Melissa:
[to Andy's girlfriend, after she dumps him] Please, please he loves you, or, I mean, he likes you so much!

Andy Dick:
Ebony and Melissa, please step forward. The final two contestants for who can be The Next Andy's Top American Modelly Assistant.

Andy Dick:
[deciding between Melissa or Mark] I'm looking at two ass clowns right in front of me: Tweedledee or Tweedle-dipshit.

Andy Dick:
Clean up on aisle vomit!

Andy Dick:
[to Anna, while watching a tape of her cleaning the car] I don't like the choices you made for what you were wearing. See, I see underneath there you have a bikini top, its like a bathing suit.

Jenny Shapiro, Temp Agent:
You should have gone with the bikini top, or gotten the white T-shirt wet.

Andy Dick:
I slept in my f'ing car for almost a year. I was parked right behind Jewel.

Andy Dick:
Smores are one of natures greatest inventions.