The Bad News Bears

Tanner Boyle:
Hey Buttercrud! Something's wrong with the cruddy showers! The cruddy water ain't coming out of the cruddy faucets!

Morris Buttermaker:
Do you have to use that word all the time?

Tanner Boyle:
You got another word for water?

Tanner Boyle:
You're all a buncha handbags!

[Engelberg is getting weighed]

Tanner Boyle:
Shouldn't we take him out to the truck scale?

Mike Engelberg:
Is that a fat joke?

Morris Buttermaker:
No, it's a truck joke.

Ahmad Abdul Rahim:
I am the Kojak of right field! I will apprehend anything hit my way!

Morris Buttermaker:
Listen... you're an American, aren't you?

Kelly:
Yeah...?

Morris Buttermaker:
That's what I thought. How come you don't wanna play baseball? That's America's national pastime. I mean, it's patriotic!

Kelly:
My pastime is ladies. American ladies!

Morris Buttermaker:
Come on, Engelberg! Show 'em what you're made of!

Engelberg:
Is that a fat joke?

Morris Buttermaker:
I'll tell you when it's a fat joke!