The Barefoot Executive

Roger:
Let me tell you something. Anybody who graduates from Melrose Avenue certainly won't make it at the network.

E. J. Crampton:
Love that casting Francis!

Roger:
I tell you anybody who graduates from the Moonrise night school on Melrose Avenue is certainly not going to make it at the network!

[Mertons has been repeatedly wheezing, hiccuping, and wheezing again since he and Wilbanks had been stranded on the ledge]

Francis X. Wilbanks:
Stop the wheezing, will you? Please stop the wheezing! First you wheeze, then you hiccup, then you wheeze again! You're enough to drive anybody nuts!

Mertons:
Oh, I am, am I?

Francis X. Wilbanks:
Yes!

Mertons:
Well, you're my boss. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but you've been complaining ever since we've been up here. If you don't like the way I wheeze and hiccup, why don't you go find your own ledge to stand on? [Wheezes again]

Francis X. Wilbanks:
What?

[a helicopter is approaching the stranded Wilbanks and Mertons]

Mertons:
Maybe they're coming to rescue us.

Francis X. Wilbanks:
They're not coming to rescue us. That's our news helicopter.

Mertons:
You mean our own network is taking pictures of us?

Francis X. Wilbanks:
That's exactly what I mean.

News Broadcaster:
We interrupt to bring you a special newscast of a sensational suicide try on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles.

Mrs. Crampton:
Oh, isn't it sad how many nuts are running around loose today?

E. J. Crampton:
It certainly is, sweetheart.

News Broadcaster:
Our special UBC helicopter enables us to bring you an exclusive close-up view of the pair attempting suicide. These pictures, live from the scene.

E. J. Crampton:
There you are. Another first for UBC.

[a closeup from the news helicopter reveals the stranded Wilbanks and Mertons]

E. J. Crampton:
[Stands up] Oh, no!

Francis X. Wilbanks:
Oh, I'm ruined. I'm ruined! What's Crampton gonna say?

[Cuts to Crampton getting dressed while cursing Wilbanks loudly to himself]

E. J. Crampton:
You lame brain. You thick-skulled, pin-headed, dim-witted bumbler!