The Bill Cosby Show

Aunt Edna:
[quarrelling in front of Chet and his girlfriend] Let me tell you somethin' right now, honey. When a man starts to get old - get rid of him.

Uncle Dewey:
Nothin' wrong with old men - except old women.

Aunt Edna:
I only stayed with you on the respect for your years. Honey, he done got to the place where all men gets to - can't do nothin' - won't do nothin' - and don't want you to do nothin'.

Chet Kincaid:
Can I get you something? Uh, coffee?

Uncle Dewey:
No, I can't have no coffee. If I have coffee, I can't sleep.

Aunt Edna:
[quarreling in front of Chet and his girlfriend] Did you hear that man? There's a man that gets out of breath puttin' on his pajamas at night.

Uncle Dewey:
Woman, don't be so simple!

Aunt Edna:
That's the man who has to take naps, so he can be rested when he goes to sleep.

Uncle Dewey:
I wouldn't keep my eyes closed so much, if my eyes had somethin' to look at! You know what that woman look like at night, with all of that grease, and that lotion, and that cream? Why, man, she has to hold on to the mattress to keep from slidin' out of the bed.

Aunt Edna:
You sittin' there talkin' about the way I look?

Uncle Dewey:
You heard me, woman!

Aunt Edna:
Your shadow's better lookin' than you!

Uncle Dewey:
You could change your oil every night, but it makes no difference 'cause the engine is shot!

Aunt Edna:
I may be old, but my lips is in the Atomic Age.

Uncle Dewey:
Woman, I used to stay home from work, just to keep from kissin' you goodbye!

Chet Kincaid:
[coaching his aunt and uncle to be nicer to each other] You pretend that it's morning, and you just got up. Now, what do you say to him?

Aunt Edna:
I tell him he snored so loud until it rattled my teeth!

Uncle Dewey:
Then you should keep 'em in a glass - further from the bed!

[final line]

Kurawitz:
See ya later!

[final line]

Chet Kincaid:
Today must be my lucky day.