The Bird Dancer

Herself - Gusti Ayu:
Sometimes I fight with my older brother. Sometimes he ridicules my illness. He imitates my movements. So I get offended and upset. Also, my parents and my brother have locked me up, locked me in because I wanted to run away... All my friends have distanced themselves from me because they think I have a contagious illness.

Herself - Gusti Ayu:
Sometimes I think it's better if I just die, jump off a cliff. Sometimes I just give up on life. But when I try to kill myself the people who care about me stop me from doing it... Sometimes I cry alone at home, regretting that my life is like this. But I try to make an effort, to be strong and smile... Very often I can't sleep at night because I keep myself up thinking about my condition. Why am I like this? When do I get to be happy like other normal people?

Herself - Gusti Ayu:
I've been to see so many [traditional healers] I've lost count. There was one who used incense to smoke my face. And also there was one who used an iron rod, about this long, that was heated and then placed on my skin. He said it was to kill the disease. There was no improvement, it just burned my skin. One healer told me I should drink my own urine. I did it for a couple of weeks... Healers have told me to use cow feces as a body and face mask... I withstood the smell because I wanted to get better. Whatever the healers asked me to do, I've done without question... But now, I'm tired of healers, I don't believe in them anymore.

Herself - Gusti Ayu:
Now things seem better because I found work and so I'm free from my family's home. I wasn't happy at home, often hearing things from people in the village, you know, insulting me, things like that. Now, I feel very calm. But when I'm home and I'm insulted, I get upset again, and I think about my illness... Here I have friends to share feelings, talk, laugh, and chat with... My friends give me advice, too... I'm not allowed to have a small heart.