The Blair Thumb

Vic:
Aw, spit, man, spit!

[while being attacked by a shark in their tent]

Jish:
Take the girl just leave us alone!

[Day after shark attack]

Stressy:
Maybe it wasn't a shark.

Jish:
What?

Vic:
Well then, what was it?

Jish:
It was a shark!

Stressy:
Maybe it was a deer or something.

Vic:
I hate to break it to you, but deers don't have dorsal fins, okay? Deers don't have frickin' razor-sharp teeth, okay?

Frankenthumb:
I sorry. I got bad brain. Not help it.

Vic:
What did you do to Jish?

Frankenthumb:
Oh. He got broken up a little bit.

Vic:
Um sir, can we go?

Frankenthumb:
No. I monster, must kill. We party first?

Vic:
...Um okay.

Stressy:
Sure.

Fisherman #1:
Oh. The Blair Thumb? Scary stuff.

Fisherman #2:
Tell her what you heard!

Fisherman #1:
Okay. There were these two twins. The Briarly Twins. I think they were twins.

Fisherman #2:
Twins that look alike!

Fisherman #1:
They went into the woods. They'd been there hundreds of times but this time they got lost! Couldn't find their way. Then they saw this woman. She was up in the air, flllloating. [gasps] She took their heads and switched 'em. Like it was a sick game. And then she took their bodies, she switched 'em too. They came back lookin' like they's the same. But we all knew they'd been all switched up!

Fisherman #2:
Are you movie people? Do you know Ned Beatty? I do so love Ned Beatty.

Fisherman #1:
He's our favorite actor.

Fisherman #2:
Oh, he's good. He's good. He's good.

Trailer Trash Thumb:
A lot of kids were disappearing in the woods, all mysterious like. And people thought it might be... David Copperfield. In a stage show, he took a llama and put it in a box. He closed the box and spinned it around. He opened up the box. There's no llama! And you don't see that every day, there's a llama here, llama gone. llama, no llama. Just chills you to the bones!

Stressy:
I am so scared right now! This is all my fault. I'm so alone. I just want to apologize to Jish's mom. Jish is dismembered and everything. And to Vic's mom. Vic is really freaked out right now. I love you Mom and Dad... and Ricky Martin. I'm scared to close my eyes! I'm scared to open them! I'm scared to squint. I'm scared to cross them. Maybe I could cross them.

[crosses her eyes]

Pirate:
[film students are asking around about what people know about the Blair Thumb] I be a pirate! I only know the ways of the sea! Arrrrrrrrrr!

Jish, Vic:
Mallow! Mallow! Mallow!

Vic:
Pre-death jam!

Vic:
Hey, what was that?

Jish:
Just a twig man

Vic:
Hey, twigs don't snap themselves man

Stressy:
It's dark, it's abandoned, it's spooky - let's go inside!

Vic:
So, so what's your names?

Jish:
This is Stressy, and I'm Jish.

Vic:
"Jish"? What kind of a name is "Jish?"

Jish:
It's just a name, dude.

Stressy:
So is Vic short for Victor?

Vic:
No, Victim. My dad was bludgeoned to death!

Jish:
[Looks horrified]

Stressy:
Sorry, dude...

Vic:
[laughs]