The Brink

Vanessa:
[to husband, Martin, on both being kidnapped by fake Taliban] Oh, God. It's a bloody mess! They're going to lock us in a room and throw away the room.

Foreign Minister Rakesh Pandit:
[to Walter Larson, U.S. Secretary of State] We have a saying in India; don't trust Pakistan.

Zeke Tilson:
The mail plane is out there right now and nobody's watching it. We take it, we fly it to Ibiza. We use the money from the boner-guy statue to buy ourselves a house and we live there forever.

Glenn Taylor:
There's not enough gas in the mail plane to get to Ibiza.

Zeke Tilson:
Fine! We take it to Zanzibar. We can f***ing make it to Zanzibar!

Glenn Taylor:
Nothing in Zanzibar.

Zeke Tilson:
There are women in Zanzibar.

Glenn Taylor:
Women?

Zeke Tilson:
We sex the women. We make the babies. We start a tribe.

Glenn Taylor:
What about the mail?

Zeke Tilson:
What about the mail?

Glenn Taylor:
We can't steal the mail. That's a federal offense.

Zeke Tilson:
You're right. We leave the mail, we steal the plane.

Glenn Taylor:
That's good! Nobody goes to jail!

Zeke Tilson:
Okay.

Glenn Taylor:
What about Carl?

Zeke Tilson:
What about Carl?

Glenn Taylor:
Carl's got the keys to the mail plane.

Zeke Tilson:
We cut Carl in. Carl comes too.

Glenn Taylor:
No women for Carl.

Zeke Tilson:
No women for Carl. Where'd you find another bottle of cura?ao?

Glenn Taylor:
I didn't. We've been drinking mouthwash for the past half-hour.

Rafiq Massoud:
[translating for Alex] Apparently Zaman is plagued by crippling impotence and he's not very well endowed. I believe the term is "pencil dick?"

Alex Talbot:
I don't care if he has a weenis. What's happening?

Rafiq Massoud:
Okay. It's unclear, but apparently Zaman has fantasies of watching his wife have sex with young men who he then tortures and executes, but not before he has consumed their genitalia in order to make himself more virile... ooh, not a fantasy.

Walter Larson:
Let's talk military aid. That's right. Let's touch that third rail.

Talia Levy:
Are you mad? Do I look like Latvia to you? We're Israel. Israel. Your Congress wouldn't do anything that would hurt us.

Walter Larson:
Trust me, arms can be twisted. Plus, I'm mishpocha with every Jewish senator - Boxer, Schumer, Feinstein.

Talia Levy:
[laughs] It's not the Jews who protect us. It's Texas, South Carolina, Mississippi. It's your right wing, neocon super-Christians, and they don't even like Jews. They just need us here to keep the lights on for their f***ing messiah.

Walter Larson:
Please, neocons are easy. You can buy off a neocon with a handjob from a ladyboy.

Walter Larson:
[going to visit the Israeli foreign minister unannounced] The Israelis love surprises.

Kendra Peterson:
Is that true?

Walter Larson:
I don't care.

Martin:
All right, boys, now the rules of this game are really very simple: you two are conquistadors. Vanessa is the tribal princess. F*** her. You get to use the phone.

Zeke Tilson:
You know what? Your wife might have a little something to say about that.

Vanessa:
Zekey, I'd like you to take that two-stone cock of yours and use it to make me cry out for the Holy Ghost. Then Glenn, I'd like you to whip out your little wanker and f***-punch me in the back of the throat with as much monkey-spunk that that little cock of yours can muster. Then Zekey will whip me away from you again and whoop it up my ass. I'll, um, resist appropriately, yeah?

Martin:
I presume that answers your question. Now go.