The Brothers Solomon

[discussing plans for contraception with their willing surrogate, Janine]

John Solomon:
I literally cannot wait to feel myself inside you!

Janine:
Whoa! The only thing you're going to feel yourself inside of is a cold Dixie cup!

Dean Solomon:
Well, that certainly doesn't make your vagina sound very appealing."

[talking about the unfortunate luck a the end of one of Dean's dates]

John Solomon:
So she got hit by a bus, huh? Poor girl.

Dean Solomon:
Yeah, the bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200s.

[discussing adoption options with agency representative and father]

John Solomon:
Do you have any pictures of the kids? Something that we can... [points to picture of adoption agency representatives son] Oh, Dean. How about that little guy?

Dean Solomon:
No friggin way! Under no circumstances. Hes got like Bells Palsy or something. [agency representative appears visibly upset]

[when trying to figure out a plan to conceive a child]

John Solomon:
I think we maybe need to broaden our search to include less conventional methods of having a baby.

Dean Solomon:
Like anal?

[hollering up a stairwell]

Dean Solomon:
THERE YOU GO AGAIN, MAKING ME A BETTER PERSON!