The Bullwinkle Show

Natasha Fatale:
Boris, is Moose you said you killed in previous episode?

Boris Badenov:
Look, it's his show. If he wants to be hard to kill, let him.

Rocky:
Bullwinkle, I'm worried.

Bullwinkle:
Ratings down in the show again?

Rocky:
No.

Bullwinkle:
That's odd.

Rocky:
I'm worried because there have already been two attempts on your life.

Bullwinkle:
Oh, don't worry. We will be renewed.

Rocky:
I'm not talking about the Bullwinkle Show.

Bullwinkle:
You had better; we could use the publicity.

Boris:
[trying to trick Rocky and Bullwinkle] I am part of one of the biggest advertising company's in the country. Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen, and Fink.

Bullwinkle:
Yeah, I have heard of those first three fellows, but who is Fink?

Boris:
I am Fink.

Natasha:
You can say that again, dahling.

Rocky:
[recognizing Boris's voice] That voice. Where have I heard that voice before?

Bullwinkle:
In about 365 other episodes. But I don't know who it is, either.

Rocky:
Bullwinkle, it says here that for you to inherit the fortune, you have to spend the weekend in the ancestral home, Abominable Manor.

Bullwinkle:
That's no problem. I've been living in an abominable manner all my life.

Rocky:
Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is?

Bullwinkle:
Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show.

Rocky:
I don't think that's very funny.

Bullwinkle:
Neither do they, apparently.

Natasha:
Boris, how are we going to steal car from moose and squirrel?

Boris:
Easy, we are going into the used car business.

Natasha:
On purpose?

Bullwinkle:
But here, cleverly disguised as a bomb, is a bomb.

[repeated line]

Rocket J. Squirrel:
And now, here to tell you everything about anything is Mr. Know-It-All.

[repeated line]

Rocky:
OK, then, thank you, Mr. Know-It-All.

Boris Badenov:
You busy-bodies have busied your last body.

Cloyd:
On the moon we always carry a spare heart.

Bullwinkle:
Must be nice come Valentine's Day.

[repeated lines]

Rocky:
And now...

Bullwinkle:
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat.

[repeated line]

Boris Badenov:
Shut up your mouth.

Old woman:
I'm not really a wicked fairy. I'm just wicked.

[repeated line]

Mr. Peabody:
I smell foul play, Sherman.

The Announcer:
Well, you're just in time for what might be a very unhappy ending.

[repeated line]

Dudley Do-Right:
Stop, Snidely Whiplash, in the name of the law.

[repeated line]

Rocky:
Hokey smoke.

[lead-in to many commercials]

Rocky:
Look, Bulliwinkle, a message in a bottle.

Bullwinkle:
Fan mail from a flounder?

Rocky:
This is what I really call a message.

Rocky:
And now, here's something we hope you'll really like.

[Rocky and Bullwinkle have brought an old model ship to an antique dealer]

Rocky:
Bullwinkle, this ship is covered in rubies and look what's written on the side! O-Mar Khay-yam. Bullwinkle, do you know what this is?

Bullwinkle:
Well, if you're waiting on me to say it, I won't.

Antique Dealer:
Me neither.

Rocky:
OK, then this must be [pause] "The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam".

Bullwinkle, Antique Dealer:
OOOOH!

Bullwinkle:
[explaining the components of a stereo system] This is the amplifier, which amplifies the sound. And this is the preamplifier, which, of course, amplifies the pree.

Bullwinkle:
You just leave it to my pal Rock. He's the brains of the outfit.

General:
And what does that make you?

Bullwinkle:
What else? The executive.

Boris Badenov:
Phooey! Foiled again!

Natasha Fatale:
Don't you mean, "Curses! Foiled again!"?

Boris Badenov:
Please, Natasha. This is kiddie show.

[Bulwinkle has been captured by government agents]

Rocky:
Hey, what's the meaning of this?

Agent:
Military intelligence. That phrase mean anything to you?

Rocky:
It sounds like a contradiction of terms.

Boris Badenov:
Ah, it good to be back on campus.

Natasha Fatale:
Boris, you went to college? Penn State?

Boris Badenov:
No, state pen.

Rocky:
For all of you who want to be tigers in the field of journalism, here's Mr. Know-It-All.

Bullwinkle:
Hello, copycats.

Bullwinkle:
Today's lesson is how to be a lion tamer and pick up a little scratch... on the side... of your head.

Mr. Hector Peabody:
Sherman, that is your 1,000th fortune cookie. Do you want to spoil your dinner?

Rocky:
It's Bullwinkle!

Captain Peter "Wrongway" Peachfuzz:
Or a figment of somebody's imagination.

Rocky:
Figure of who's imagination?

Bullwinkle:
Who you calling a Fig Newton?

Bullwinkle:
Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak.

Bullwinkle:
Got the wrong script from the teleprompter. As you know this is really the Humphley/Brinley report. No no. The Bullwinkle Show. And I am your moose-ster of ceremonies for the next half-hour: Bullwinkle his-self. As if you couldn't tell. I mean what other show has a host who sings, dances, recites poetry and has antlers? Well, on this network anyway...

Bullwinkle:
[pointing to Florida on a map] Here it is: Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

Rocket J. Squirrel:
Bullwinkle, that's Florida!

Bullwinkle:
Well, if they keep adding new states all the time how can you expect me to keep up?

[an incident causes all the main characters to become lost at sea. There is nobody left on the screen]

Fish #1:
There's something you don't see every day.

Fish #2:
What's that?

Fish #1:
A TV show where all they show you is a picture of rocks.

Fish #2:
Well, c'mon. It *is* called "The Rocky Show".

[repeated line]

Edgar:
That's something you don't see every day, Chauncey.

Chauncey:
What's that, Edgar?

Bullwinkle:
I'd like to apply for a job as an usher?

Boris:
What experience have you had?

Bullwinkle:
I've been in the dark for most of my life.

Dudley Do-Right:
Curses! Foiled again!

Snidely Whiplash:
Hey! That's *my* line!

Rocky:
Bullwinkle, did you forget the plot again?

Bullwinkle:
In a word, you said it.

Rocky:
That's three words.

Bullwinkle:
I'm a heavy tipper.

Rocky:
A thousand dollars to get to Frostbite Falls?

Bullwinkle:
You can buy the place for eight dollars cash.

[repeated line]

Bullwinkle:
Jumping G. Horsefat!

Rocky:
Are you getting sea sick, Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle:
No, I always turn green this time of year.

Rocky:
Well if you think this is bad?

Bullwinkle:
Yeah.

Rocky:
Just wait till we cast off.

["Bullwinkle's Corner" does "Tom, Tom the Piper's Son" as a "Dragnet" spoof. Bullwinkle, as Tom, is arrested for stealing a pig. At the police station, he is grilled under a hot light by two police detectives who speak in quick "Dragnet"-style dialogue]

Police Officer #1:
D'you know it's a felony to pack a pig over a state line?

Police Officer #2:
Pig-napping!

Bullwinkle:
But, it's a pig in a poem!

Police Officer #1:
Oh, a pig in a poke, huh?

Bullwinkle:
Not "poke." "Poem." Pig in a poem!

Police Officer #2:
Pig poem?

Bullwinkle:
[Measuring with his hands] Not so pig, just about...

Police Officer #1:
You makin' fun of the way we talk?

Bullwinkle:
[Frustrated] No, but it's *catchin'!*

Police Officer #2:
[Writing on a notepad] Name?

Bullwinkle:
I'm Tom, Tom the Piper's Son!

Police Officer #1:
[Holds up the pig] All right, Piper's Son. What were you gonna do with the pig?

Bullwinkle:
Well, the poem says, "The pig was eat." But...

Police Officer #2:
Gonna eat it, huh?

Police Officer #1:
On a platter?

Police Officer #2:
Apple in it's mouth, like that?

Bullwinkle:
[angry] Certainly not!

Police Officer #1:
All right, Piper's Son, you can go. But don't leave town.

Bullwinkle:
Thanks! Can I have my pig back?

Police Officer #2:
No. Evidence.

Bullwinkle:
[Moves toward the door] Darn!

Police Officer #1:
One more thing, Piper's Son.

Bullwinkle:
What's that?

Police Officer #1:
[Holds up the pig, smiling] You got an apple on you? [Bullwinkle looks dizzy. The "Dragnet" theme plays: 'Dum de dum dum!']

Bullwinkle:
[Last lines in last episode of series] Well, the old place is back to sub-normal, Rock? [while fishing from a boat with Rocky near Moosylvania]

Rocky:
Yeah and we- [interrupted by sound of gunshot] Hey, was that a shot?

Bullwinkle:
Heck, no, Rock.

Rocky:
Well, it sounded like a shot.

Bullwinkle:
Nope.

Rocky:
Then, what was it?

Bullwinkle:
That was, "The End." ["The End" appears in the sky above their boat]

The Announcer:
By George, he's got it! It is "The End." But watch for another episode soon of "Rocky and Bullwinkle."

Bullwinkle:
It may be a little hard to find, but don't give up.

Rocky:
We're not!