The Case of the Mukkinese Battle-Horn

Sgt. Brown:
[points to floor] Look, sir. An impression of a heel.

Superintendent Quilt:
Very clever, Brown, but we haven't time for your impressions now.

Narrator:
At 11.10 the police photographers arrived, photographed the police, and hurried away again.

Superintendent Quilt:
Where were you on the night of the 17th?

Beautiful woman:
Don't you remember?

Superintendent Quilt:
[gulps] Have you got all that down, Brown?

Sgt. Brown:
Yes, sir.

Superintendent Quilt:
Well rub it out again.

Maurice Plonk:
My name is Maurice Plonk, and I live in a little log cabin in Piccadilly. Last night I left a burning cigarette by my bedside and the whole place was burny down. And the night before last, my fire insurance ran out and we did not get a penny. My, how we did laugh when we heard about it.

Narrator:
Mr Plonk has nothing to do with our story. We thought you'd like to see what a real idiot looked like.

[After repeatedly encountering the same mysterious woman]

Superintendent Quilt:
Brown, who is this woman?

Sgt. Brown:
It's the producer's girlfriend, sir.[To audience] You think I'm kidding?