The Con Artist

Belinda:
Boy, you just get right down to the point, don't cha?

Vince:
Ah, you know, five years in jail. Not much time to waste.

Pogue:
[Vince just fixed up his car] You got the magic touch!

Kranski:
You got another way to pay me back the money you owe me?

Vince:
I'm an artist.

Belinda:
I just made you a lot of money!

Vince:
How does a guy like me end up in a place like this?

Pogue:
So what do you want, Vince?

Kristen:
This could take you to a whole new level, if that's what you want.

Vince:
I'm workin' on paying you off. What else you want?

Kranski:
I want you on the job

Pogue:
You know, Vince, I'm gonna be watchin' you. I'm looking out for you, man. I got your back.

Vince:
Lucky me.

Kranski:
You're my favorite, you know that?

Vince:
You should have told that to the new guy.

Larry:
Look, man, I got some old titty mags in the can if you wanna blow off some steam.

Vince:
Titty mags? Thanks, man. You know, five years practice, I think I'm ready for the real thing.

Kranski:
It's a pleasure to meet you.

Belinda:
I'm sure it is.

Vince:
Do you sleep with all your artists?

Belinda:
Sleep? You doze off in the middle there?

Vince:
Hey, you just ran that light!

Kranski:
Yeah, it's a game I play. "Red light green light". Every red light's green.

Vince:
And the green lights?

Kranski:
Uh, they're green, too.

[first lines]

Pogue:
Two pairs of socks, that's the key.

Vince:
Key to what?

Pogue:
The key to staying fresh and feeling good, ya know. What you do is you keep an extra pair of socks in your pocket, one in your lunch pale, around 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon you slap those bad boys on, bam, you fell like a million bucks.

Vince:
I'll have to remember that.

Pogue:
And you know the number one thing that makes all parolees go back to jail?

Vince:
Not enough socks?

Pogue:
No, stay away from all know felons and former criminal associates.

Kranski:
Want a piece of advice?

Vince:
Yeah.

Kranski:
Women with tiny breast are better in bed.

[Vince laughs]

Kranski:
True!

Vince:
I'll keep that in mind.

Kranski:
Where ya goin'?

Vince:
Gonna change my socks.

Belinda:
[about her wax] Oh, Vince, you didn't tell me how it looks.

Vince:
Looks like you're giving birth to Hitler.

Pogue:
I'm looking for you.

Vince:
Mr. Pogue, uh, can I get you something, like, uh, champagne, pee in a cup?

[last lines]

Kristen:
Who's the better kisser?

Vince:
Come here, you.

Dean:
You told us to bring him here.

Kranski:
Not in the trunk, a**hole.

Larry:
How ya doin' there, Vinnie?

Vince:
It's like riding a bike all the way back to prison.

Larry:
You better get with the program, man. It'll hurt less.

Kristen:
She's a pit bull but she knows what she's doing.

Vince:
Pill bulls are sweeter.

Pogue:
Now listen to me, okay? Close your eyes. Close your eyes. I saw this on TV. Focus. Think relaxing thoughts. Let all the tension and stress flow through your body. Take everything and stream it through into the central sprinkler system that God has given you. Direct it to the penis and let it go.

Vince:
What're you doin'?

Kristen:
Blowing. It's part of my job.

Vince:
Well, you do that very well.

Vince:
Why do you put up with her?

Kristen:
Why do you?

Vince:
Money. Fame. Chicks.

Kristen:
Ha! Me, too.

Belinda:
If you like to join us...

Vince:
Open bar?

Belinda:
Just wine. You have to bring your own meth.

Belinda:
Without me, you're nothing more than an ex-con bangin' away at a bunch of rusty old car parts in a low-end garage.