The Courtship of Eddie's Father

Tom:
What do you want?

Eddie:
A horse.

Tom:
A horse?

Eddie:
Yes, because I could take care of him. And I like to take care of stuff.

Tom:
Why don't I get you a box of stuff.

Eddie Corbett:
Did I used to talk baby talk, Dad?

Tom Corbett:
Yes you did.

Eddie Corbett:
What did I say?

Tom Corbett:
Well, your favorite word was "goo".

Eddie Corbett:
What does that mean?

Tom Corbett:
I've been meaning to ask you.

Danny Lockwood:
My Dad was a captain in the army. What was yours?

Eddie Corbett:
I don't know.

Eddie Corbett:
[to Tom] Dad?

Tom Corbett:
Yeah.

Eddie Corbett:
What were you in the army?

Tom Corbett:
Unhappy.

Eddie Corbett:
[after taking a bite of food] It's delicious, except for the taste.

Tom:
Eddie, more rice?

Eddie:
No thanks, Dad?

Tom:
Harvey?

[Tom hands the bowl of rice to Harvey, who take a couple of big scoops]

Harvey:
N... Ah, just a little bit. I'm still watching my weight, Tommy.

Tom:
You're watching it do what?

Eddie Corbett:
Dad, who do I look like?

Tom Corbett:
You look just like your Mother.

Eddie Corbett:
You mean she was a small little boy?

Norman Tinker:
[talking about an upcoming trip to Las Vegas] The only baccarat I want to play is Burt.

Tina Rickles:
[to Dr. Park] Listen, there's something I'd like to ask you as a doctor. You, see, I have this problem, and I...

Tom Corbett:
[about Dr. Park] Tina, she is a children's doctor.

Tina Rickles:
Well, I've had this problem ever since I was a child.

Eddie Corbett:
What's a counter group?

Tom Corbett:
Nope, no, it's not a counter group, it's an encounter group.

Eddie Corbett:
What's that?

Tom Corbett:
Well, that's where people, they all get together and they talk.

Eddie Corbett:
I thought that was just called a party.

Tom Corbett:
Well, yeah, but the difference between... Well, here's the difference. A party is where people socialize in order to have a good time. But an encounter group is when people get together to show their feelings.

Eddie Corbett:
Why?

Tom Corbett:
So that people can better enjoy each other.

Eddie Corbett:
Why don't they just go to a party?

Dr. Hal 'Speed' Gould:
Is there anything wrong with you?

Norman Tinker:
Hey, doctor, I've had this itch.

Dr. Hal 'Speed' Gould:
It's probably psychosomatic.

Tom Corbett:
How can you say that without examining him first?

Dr. Hal 'Speed' Gould:
Because if it's not psychosomatic, I might be expected to cure him.

Mrs. Rickles:
I'm sure that we're going to be very good friends, Mr. Corbin.

Tom Corbett:
Corbett.

Mrs. Rickles:
Corbett Corbin. What a charming name.

Eddie Corbett:
Anyway, I told you I wasn't adopted.

Elsie:
I don't care. Your parents were stuck with you.

Tom Corbett:
I thought it would be best to clear the air about Eddie's saxophone playing.

Major Pritchett:
I definitely think it would be a good idea to clear the air *of* Eddie's saxophone playing.