The Creatives

Ben Gray:
If it's a man you think: He's in a suit, he's financially astute, I'll listen to his advice. If it's a woman you think: nagging b*tch.

Greg Jackson:
[Greg has just come out] Not so long ago, Cummerton was just an empty field; now its throbbing, because Cummerton new town has arrived! I tell you this place is right up my alley, there are so many openings to be filled, there's so much to do! [outside a swimming pool] WHy not take your kit off and take the plunge! [grasping a bowling ball] Blow me if there isn't ten-pin bowling too! [he bowls the ball and glides forwards] I always seem to end up on my knees! [at the snack bar, eyeing up a hot dog] This is more my thing; stuffing my face with all sorts of goodies. [outside a small house] If I ever leave Loch Peffer, I could do a lot worse than Cummerton. [he smiles] My favourite, a two-up, two-down. Cummerton; come out! You'll be surprised!

Lauren Marshall:
Finished?

Charlie Baxter:
Take 37.

Lauren Marshall:
Well what happened this time?

Charlie Baxter:
He remembered his name... which threw him.

Robbie Fraser:
What names have we had so far?

Charlie Baxter:
We've had three "John Haldanes", a couple of "Jim Halfords", one "Jim Haldont" and for some reason on take 16 "Hello, I'm Melvyn Bragg".

Tanya Gray:
I can just see you now with your feet up on the desk, casually pretending you always wear new socks just so she'll get to bed with you!

Ben Gray:
No it's that she'll "go" to bed with me.

Tanya Gray:
Ha! [she storms out]

Ben Gray:
[pause] Gramatically! Gramatically she'll "go" to bed...

Lauren Marshall:
Charlie, you promised you wouldn't do deals when you'd been drinking!

Charlie Baxter:
I know, but then I got drunk and forgot.

Tanya Gray:
You were laughing together with Rhona?

Ben Gray:
Yes well we tried laughing at different times but it just wasn't possible.

Tanya Gray:
Can a man be a secretary?

Ben Gray:
Oh hi darling...

Tanya Gray:
Answer me that. Does a person who types need to have breasts?

Ben Gray:
No of course not...

Tanya Gray:
Is it impossible to answer the phone with a penis?

Robbie Fraser:
Well, literally yes...

Ben Gray:
I hardly think there's going to be world peace just because we hire a fat bird.

Charlie Baxter:
Now, on the surface, and when I say on the surface I mean in a dark room with the lights off, theyre both equally qualified.

Ben Gray:
Aha, but lying on a beach in a bikini?

Charlie Baxter:
One of them's a lot more equally qualified than the other.

Robbie Fraser:
We have to show that we're blind to prejudice. And the best way to show we're blind to prejudice is having a big fat lump cluttering the place up.