The Divorcee

Jerry Bernard Martin:
[slipping on a diamond ring] Oh, I couldn't think of accepting such a valuable gift!

Offscreen man:
But, my dear, my feeling for you is purely platonic.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Really? I've heard of platonic love, but I didn't know there was such a thing as platonic jewelry.

Don:
You're a fascinating wench, Jerry!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
What am I going to be doing while you're saving your first million?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Waiting for me.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
[Giggles] Waiting isn't my idea of the king of indoor sports. I've no intention of waiting around for three or four years while you harvest an additional crop of wild oats.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
I'd like to make love to you till you scream for help.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
[Putting her hands around her throat to pantomine stifling a scream] Can't scream.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Who's the man?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, Ted, don't be conventional!

Ivan:
Tell me the truth.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
The truth? [laughs] The last thing any man wants to hear from any woman!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Meredith?

Helen Baldwin:
Just a floating grass widow.

Don:
Floats them and gets them.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Gee whiz, but I'm glad to see you. Say, I've missed you like the dickens, Helen!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
All men are fair game from now on!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
There's something in the way she looked at you that made me want to kill her.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
I've balanced our accounts.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Well you don't exactly take the veil when your decree is granted, you know.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
What you feel for me is not love. It's the call of the gorilla to its mate.

Offscreen Man #2:
My dear, Jerry. You American women are so cold.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Are you sure you can tell whether a woman is cold or careful?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
[Long Kiss] Wooo! My head's going 'round like a pinwheel.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
And my heart's beating like a steam engine. Feel.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Ha-ha-ha. When did you first start having heart trouble?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
From the first moment I met you.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Oh, you're a great girl. And you know you've got a man's point of view.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Ted and I are going to be married and stay married. Aren't we - darling.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Yes, we're going to stay married.

Don:
How unpatriotic. A man should be willing to lay down more than one wife for his country.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Say, Romeo, are you packed?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Coming up to finish, Juliet.

Dorothy 'Dot':
You're not eating a thing, Paul. Buck up. There's nothing to worry about.

Hannah:
Miss Jerry, if you don't need me anymore, I've got a date to go to the second show with the butcher.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Are his intentions honorable, Hannah?

Hannah:
I'm afraid they are. He just wants to keep a good customer.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
[Referring to a new ring] Oh, you dear, it's lovely.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Will you think of me every time you look at it?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
As though I didn't think of you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. [Kiss] Oh, darling. [Looking at the ring] Gee, that's slick.

Janice:
Why haven't I heard from you in a month?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Conscience.

Janice:
You're not that old fashioned are you?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Now see here, Janice. I was plastered and you know it.

Janice:
Oh, but you're not such a sterling character when my arms are around you.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Then, she has a right to look at you any way she likes?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
[Admitting his infidelity] Now, see here Jerry. I'm sorry darling, of course. But, there's no sense in overplaying it. There's nothing to it. Oh, come on, snap out of it. It isn't the end of the world, darling. Why, gosh, I don't care a snap of my fingers for any woman in the world but you. If-if I'd killed somebody, you'd go all the way and back again for me. I'd ask you to try and forgive me, if I thought it was the right thing to do. But, that isn't the point. But, darling, you've got to get a broader look at things, that's all. Why, you're out in the world doing a man's work. Was that just a lot of talk about a man's point of view? Oh, please believe me, darling. It doesn't mean a thing. Not a thing! It doesn't make the slightest difference. Come on, snap out of it. Now, pull yourself together.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Porter, how long do we stop at the next station? Long enough to telephone?

Second Porter:
Yes sir, if you ain't gonna talk to nobody too far. It's supposed to stop there about six minutes.

Don:
What's the matter with you, Jerry?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
I'm just trying to hang onto the marvelous latitude of a man's point of view.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
What's the matter with me?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
So why didn't you answer the wires I sent you?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, there was a lot to think about. And the longer you wait, the more sense you get.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
You know, letting things ride the way you did, certainly whipped me plenty. Boy, you know I imagined all sorts of receptions when I got home.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Your cheeriness is amazing.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Well, what do you mean?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
You're like a little boy that's stolen some jam. Then, spanked and kissed and happy again.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Ted, let me understand something. When you say that being unfaithful doesn't mean anything, you mean just that, don't you?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Well, what I said was...

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Yes, I remember what you said. It doesn't mean a thing.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
It can't be true. Why, I always thought you were the most decent thing in the world. It can't be true.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Well, it is.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Husbands should never be late. No, sir. You never know who's sitting on the bench, waiting to take your place when you fall out of the game.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, don't let's make a mess of things like this. Spoil our happiness.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, Ted, don't let's talk about men and women. They do all sorts of things. We've got to live our own life, dear. There's so much of it ahead. I'll never do anything you don't like. I'll never make you sorry, really. I'll forgive you anything, dear. Can't you please forgive me? When I try to look ahead without you; why, everything goes black. I love you, dear. I can't go on without you.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
I'm glad I discovered that more than one man in the world while I'm young and they want me. Believe me, I'm not missing anything from now on!

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
I don't doubt it - once a woman throws down her fences!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
The looser they are, the more they get! The best in the world! No responsibility! Well, my dear, I'm gonna find out how they do it! So, look for me in the future where the primroses grow. And catch your man's pride with the rest! And from now on, your the only man in the world that my door is closed to!

Helen Baldwin:
Congratulations, my darling, you're free. You're exactly as you were before you were married.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Exactly. All I need is a complete set of young illusions and an innocent expression.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
From now on, I take all the hurdles, see all the scenery - and listen to the band play.

Offscreen Man #4:
I didn't know you had a husband, Jerry?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Ha-ha. I had; but, I haven't.

Offscreen Man #4:
Let's drink to his health, the infernal fool!

Ivan:
When you have grown old, you will be very, very sorry.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Yes, I know. I shall most likely push back the gray hairs, curse at the wrinkles and say - you did not allow the great Ivan to make love to you and now look at you.

Ivan:
Jerry, darling, what you need is a great romance.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, one more would be the death of me.

Paul:
You've been trying to forget quite a lot, haven't you, Jerry?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Who told you that?

Paul:
Oh, nobody. I've just been around New York most of the time.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh. Ha-ha. And heard the echo of my misdeeds as I thundered up and down Broadway.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
What should an ex-wife do? Spend her days doing good deeds? Going to bed at night with suitable books?

Jerry Bernard Martin:
I've worked too hard and played too hard. I take my outings on the subway and my exercise in a nightclub. I belong to the sweet, pure air of 42nd Street and Broadway.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Oh, I'm so fed up. I've made such a wreck of things. Such a good for nothing mess!

Paul:
Oh, Porter.

Second Porter:
Yes sir.

Paul:
There's only supposed to be one person in drawing room A, isn't there?

Second Porter:
Yes sir, boss.

Paul:
Well, see that's how it is. Get me?

Second Porter:
I get chu.

Second Porter:
He's got a kick on him like a Missouri mule. Ha!

Paul:
They want me to spend five years in Japan. You know, we could have a beautiful time. Leave all our mistakes 7,000 miles behind us.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
Seven thousand miles - it sounds grand.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Funny, isn't it. How one girl can be bigger than all the tall buildings.

Helen Baldwin:
You going to Japan with them, Hannah?

Hannah:
Oh, sure. I want to see where the money's gone. I've paid to foreign missions for the heathen.

Hannah:
Miss Jerry's gave up her job.

Helen Baldwin:
Really, she's resigned?

Hannah:
And her firm come right back with an offer of $7,500 a year to go to London. They have branches in Europe.

Helen Baldwin:
Hooray for Jerry!

Hannah:
Personally, I'd a darn sight rather go to London than to - Yokohokohame.

Helen Baldwin:
Well, anyhow, I've been busting to tell you: What a girl!

Jerry Bernard Martin:
It's a New Year in a minute, Ted. All the world gets a new chance.

Theodore 'Ted' Martin:
Don't kid me Jerry. I'd give my right arm for another chance.

Jerry Bernard Martin:
I like that right arm. How about putting it around me?