The Dragon Murder Case

Dr. Doremus:
Ernest, it's clear that you don't know much about women. Now I'll tell you, women are, generally speaking...

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
You certainly said it! They ARE generally speaking!

Greeff:
[Watching two Siamese fighting fish] One thing about fish - if they dislike each other, they fight until they kill.

Tatum:
Meaning what?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
[Annoyed that duty calls him away from his Turkish bath] A man can't even perspire in peace around here!

Ruby:
You should be in the movies, Mr. Leland.

Leland:
Why do you say that?

Ruby:
You register jealousy so perfectly.

Markham:
[to the guests] I'm afraid you'll all have to stay here until the pool is drained.

Tatum:
[laughs derisively] How're you gonna drain the pool?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
[Sarcastically] I'm gonna suck it up with a straw!

Dr. Doremus:
[to Markham, angered that there is no body] I can't perform an autopsy on a theory! I'm a coroner, not a philosopher!

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
[Arriving at the crime scene] Well, where's the body?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
I'm afraid there ain't any, Doc.

Dr. Doremus:
[Annoyed] You called me away from my breakfast for nothing?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
Well, at least you got a sniff at it. That's more than we've had.

Dr. Doremus:
Well, where was the body when you phoned?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
We thought it was in the pool.

Dr. Doremus:
[Annoyed] I don't want thoughts; I want bodies, and when there aren't any bodies, I want to be left alone!

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
[Reacting to the obviously demented and looney Mrs. Stann] Boy, I'll bet she can tell a nifty bedtime story!

Dr. Doremus:
[Leaving the scene, thoroughly annoyed that the body was not dead] Now I'm going to get some breakfast... [turning for one last word]... and, Heath, don't you call me out here again unless you've got a corpse. I'm here as a coroner, not as a doctor!

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
[shouting after him sarcastically] Why don't you learn to carry a hard-boiled egg in your pocket?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
C'm'on now, how could that key get into your bed without you knowin' about it?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
Well, apparently you guys got into my room without my knowing about it!

Markham:
[Vance has suggested draining the pond] What on earth does he expect to find down here in this muck?

Sergeant Ernest Heath:
Probably the fingerprints of a clam.