The Ducksters

Daffy Duck:
I will now play a passage from a famous opera, and you must name the opera.

Porky Pig:
But... but I'm weary.

Daffy Duck:
Listen carefully! [plays a single note on piano] And there you have it! Now, what's the opera?

Porky Pig:
C-Cavalleria Rusticana?

Daffy Duck:
Audience?

Audience:
Rigoletto!

Daffy Duck:
Who was the Father of our country?

Porky Pig:
Th-That's easy! G-George W-Wash...

[Alarm clock rings, Daffy hits Porky repeatedly with mallet]

Daffy Duck:
Aw, I'm sorry! Time's up! You don't get the Super Chief, but you're still the winner of the Rocky Mountains, a 17-jeweled Half Nelson, and the La Brea Tar Pits!

Porky Pig:
L-Lucky me!

Daffy Duck:
This program is brought to you by the Eagle Hands Laundry. Does your eagle have dirty mitts?

Daffy Duck:
Listen, bub, you've got 32 teeth, would you like to try for 16?

Porky Pig:
Are you th-th-threatening me, because I...

Daffy Duck:
HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP! This cry for help has been brought to you by the Eagle Hand Laundry.

Porky Pig:
Pardon me, but may I have my jackpot?

Daffy Duck:
Oh, well, fair is fair.

[giving Porky a cauldron]

Daffy Duck:
Here's you pot, Jack.

Porky Pig:
B-but my name's isn't Jack

Daffy Duck:
It's not? Oh, I'm sorry. This pot was made for Jack. Jack-pot, get it? Your name isn't Jack, so you must pay the penalty!

Porky Pig:
[on a conveyor belt, about to be cut by a buzzsaw] T-the cotton gin was invented by Eli Whitney.

Daffy Duck:
[stops the buzzsaw] You're absolutely correct! And let me remind you again, folks, that you're listening to Truth or -Aaaugh! Brought to you by the Eagle Hand Laundry. If your eagle's hands are dirty, we'll wash them clean. Now, back to our contestant. Mwahahahah!

Daffy Duck:
The next question is: What was Cleopatra's aunt's maiden name?

Porky Pig:
Which one? Her maternal aunt, or her paternal?

Daffy Duck:
Here, watch your language, bud. We're on the air.

Daffy Duck:
In my hand you'll notice I hold two buzzers. You must push one. Hurry now. Which one? Quick! Good, clean, wholesome fun!

[Porky pushes one buzzer; a safe falls on him]

Daffy Duck:
You're a great sport. A great sport!

Porky Pig:
C-could I please take my prizes and g-go home now? I-I'm not feeling too well.

Daffy Duck:
And for being such a great sport, I'm going to let you push the other button and win a prize. Come on, now. Don't be bashful. Push. [Porky pushes the other buzzer; a huge boulder falls on him] And the gentleman wins the Rock of Gibraltar! And that's not all. The gentleman also wins six hundred gallons of genuine Niagara Falls. [Water falls on Porky] Give the lucky winner a hand, folks.

Daffy Duck:
Guess who Miss Shush is and I'll give you 26 million dollars and three cents.

Porky Pig:
W-w-well, now, I...

Daffy Duck:
Here's the clue. This is the sound of Miss Shush brushing her teeth on Wednesday. [plays record] Now who is Miss Shush?

Porky Pig:
L-L-Lauren Bacall?

Daffy Duck:
Oh, I'm sorry. But don't be discouraged. Miss Shush is right here in this studio, and I'm going to let you meet her. The famous movie star, Miss Shush! [Opens dressing room door]

Porky Pig:
Oh b-b-boy! I-I'll add to my autograph collection. [Enters]

Daffy Duck:
Miss Shush is in there, all right, but what I didn't tell him was that Miss Shush is really Mamie, the 600-pound gorilla, who appears in Obnoxious Pictures' "Jungle Jitters." [Offstage growls and thrashing sounds] Next contestant, please.

Daffy Duck:
And for being such a good sport, I'm going to give you the 26 million dollars and three cents.

Porky Pig:
[on phone] H-hello, I would like to speak to the president of the Ajax Broadcasting Company. [pause] H-hello? How much will you take for your television network? [pause] Eh, 26 million dollars and three cents? Sold!

Daffy Duck:
[uneasy] Hello, boss. [gulps]

Porky Pig:
[snatches Daffy's answer sheet] In w-what latitude and l-longitude did the wreck of the Hesperus occur?

Daffy Duck:
Well, I...

Porky Pig:
[hits Daffy repeatedly with a mallet] Oh, I'm sorry. Time's up. So y-you must pay the penalty.

Daffy Duck:
Anyone for tennis?

[water, a safe, and a boulder fall on Daffy]

Daffy Duck:
[on the conveyor belt of the buzzsaw] Have you got a doctor on the balcony, lady?