The Dukes

Bo Duke:
Come on, General. You can make it through this mud.

Daisy Duke:
Whoever called this the rainy season wasn't just whistlin' Dixie.

Luke Duke:
That's for sure, Daisy. I feel like I'm taking a hot shower with all my clothes on.

Uncle Jesse:
It was sure nice of the Air Foce to give me a lift, Cousin Billy.

Cousin Billy:
Anything for an old war hero, Cousin Jesse.

Daisy Duke:
Either I'm getting Jungle Fever, or that's my Uncle Jesse.

Luke Duke:
There's Twenty Million dollars out there in that bog.

Boss Hogg:
Twenty million dollars? I knew them Dukes was a hatchin' something. Roscoe...

[gigles]

Boss Hogg:
We're gonna be rich!

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
[squeeks] Are you kidding? Most likely we'll be lunch. You'd make a nice fat little juicy snack for that monster, Boss

[laughs his Rosco laugh]

Boss Hogg:
Alright now, Rosco, we'll grap that map as soon as them Dukes is all asleep.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
But Boss, that could take half the night.

Boss Hogg:
Nobody ever said being stinky was easy.

Boss Hogg:
[talking in his sleep] Hmm, just a tad more of them sweet potatoes, Lulu honey. And slosh on some more...

Boss Hogg:
You saw Leprechauns! Show me where they're dancin'.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Eh, you mean right now?

Boss Hogg:
Oh yeah, now, before the dance is over!

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ok, but it beats me why you wanna get up in the middle of the night and go out dancing with a bunch of midgets.

Bo Duke:
Whoohoo, boy, I tell you what, that was sure close. Daisy, you alright?

Daisy Duke:
Just a little shook up 's all. Give me a hand.

Bo Duke:
Upsadaisy, daisy.

Luke Duke:
Whoo! It's a good thing we had seatbelts.

Sean the Leprechaun:
Mr. Hogg, you're the greediest mortal I've met in me whole life. And I'm 1257 years old.

Boss Hogg:
Well, I appreciate the compliment. But I'd rather hear that delicious clinkin' sound of more gold.

The Leprechaun Grand Wizard:
Silence! I hate being interrupted when I'm dooming someone.

Vance Duke:
[referring to the natives] Haha, look at that. The General's got 'em on their knees. Maybe they'll think now that we're gods or such like.

Coy Duke:
I hope so, 'cause I ain't much on being fed to volcanoes.

Daisy Duke:
Me neither.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Oh my gritchen gravy, would you look yonder!

Boss Hogg:
It's one of them headen idols... with rubies for eyes and a diamond bigger than a Rudebaker. Why, that diamond alone is worth a dozen Hazzard counties.

Vance Duke:
Hey, I got me an idea. Remember that mineral spring back yonder? [Daisy and Coy nod] Why don't we make ourselves some good old Hazzard county blastin' powder?

Boss Hogg:
Lordie, Lordie, Lordie. If you can drive like that, Rosco, how come you can't ever catch them Dukes?

Uncle Jesse Duke:
You know, you can't stir up a mess of trouble for other folks, without spillin' some on yourself.

Daisy Duke:
Oh, the turn-off at cousin Willy's place is just ahead.

Vance Duke:
Sorry Daisy, thanks to Boss Hogg's dirty trick, we don't have time for visiting Willy like we planned.

Daisy Duke:
Oh, fellas, we promised. Are you gonna let 'em think the US American Dukes don't keep their word?

Vance Duke:
Ok, Daisy, you win. Tell 'em we're on our way [hands over the CB]

Daisy Duke:
[gasps] I can hardly wait to meet a real kissin' cousin. What' the surprise you've geen hinting at, cousin Willy?

Cousin Willy:
Friend of yours?

Vance Duke:
Not hardly. Us Dukes don't take up with flim-flammin' double crossers like him.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ooh, what you gonna do, chubby buddy?

Boss Hogg:
Git me some help outta my little black book. [whips the book out of his jacket pocket]

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ooh! Ooh! You mean your little secret list of tricky, sneaky rotten type folks all over the world?

Boss Hogg:
Exactly. And then we'll give them Dukes a big surprise!

Daisy Duke:
Hoppin' animals with pockets and birds that can't fly? Well you sure got some weird critters in this country.

Bo Duke:
Old Boss Hogg done it to us again!

Daisy Duke:
Ain't it amazing how he keeps coming up with one sneaky no good trick after another?

Luke Duke:
Well, with Boss cheating's as natural as squealing to a pig.

Daisy Duke:
Boss has creamed us before, but not with real cream.

Bo Duke:
Now we know how it feels to be a strawberry shortcake.

Daisy Duke:
[reading from a brochure] A lot of famous musicians came from Austria. Like Mozart, Beethoven and Straus.

Bo Duke:
It'd be nice to go see some entertainment Saturday night. If them famous musician fellers is playing anywhere near town.

Daisy Duke:
Oh Bo, you stop your joshin'. You know they was all born hundreds of years ago.

Luke Duke:
You're right, Daisy. Who's gonna pay to see a band with fellers that old?

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Nobody's gonna buy a clock that's cuckoo, you know.

Luke Duke:
Oh well, can't cry over spilled milk.

Bo Duke:
Or broken axels.

Boss Hogg:
Well, well, well and well [small chuckle] As I live and make money, if it ain't the Bouchard brothers.

Boss Hogg:
It's like I died and went to heaven. Can you believe it, Rosco?

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Well, I'm trying, but see, I'm having trouble with the part about a double dealin', four flushin', flim-flammer like you boss gettin' to heaven.

Bo Duke:
It's Boss Hogg!

Daisy Duke:
I thought he'd be clear to the other side of Canada by now.

Luke Duke:
I'm beginning to smell a fat little rat.

Luke Duke:
Suzette!

Daisy Duke:
Are you okay, sugar? You know, you shouldn't have run off from your folks like that, honey.

Suzette LeFite:
Oui, I am fine. But some little fat man jus stole all the furs that will prove the Bouchards were poaching.

Luke Duke, Daisy Duke, Bo Duke:
Boss Hogg!

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
What's the Blue Wazoo?

Boss Hogg:
Oh Roscoe, don't your tiny pea-brain know nothing? Oiseau is a Frenchie word for bird and the Blue Oiseau is a famous Frenchie stamp with a blue bird on it. There ain't but a couple in the whole world, and they'res worth a fortune.

Vance Duke:
Now just a dog-gone ding dang minute, we're law-abiding U.S. of A. type citizens.

Daisy Duke:
That's right, Inspector, and Boss Hogg's as crooked as a dog's hind legs!

Coy Duke:
Well, I'll be a fish in a frying pan. That mud slinging Boss Hogg gone and double crossed us again.

Boss Hogg:
Nothing like a little fancy pastry to get that nasty Duke taste out of my mouth.

Freddy Flenders:
We still need some good driving to make this Roddy Cooper's best picture yet.

Luke Duke:
Well, we'd like to 'blidge, but we're in this race.

Freddy Flenders:
Now if it's only a matter of money, I could, pay you, eh... twentyfive thousand.

Bo Duke:
Twentyfive thousand dollars?

Freddy Flenders:
Alright, make it fifty thousand. But that's my final offer.

Luke Duke:
Well, we'd better talk this over

[the three cousins huddle together as Freddy winks at the director]

Bo Duke:
What do you think?

Luke Duke:
There's no thinking to it. With that kinda money we can pay off Uncle Jesse's farm.

Daisy Duke:
That's right, and old Boss Hogg can race hisself around the world.

[laughs]

Daisy Duke:
It's Freddy Flenders you want, Sherriff. He's skedaddled with all our money and the film too.

Bo Duke:
Yeah, just give us 24 hours. We can't find that conman, you can lock Boss up and throw away the key.

Boss Hogg:
That's right, throw away the key. Eh... huh?

Sherriff:
Something tells me you folks are tellin' the truth.

Boss Hogg:
Oh, they're honest as the day is long. Them Dukes is known for flat out honest to goodness superscrupulous truth-tellin'. Why...

Sherriff:
[interrupting] Get him outta here before I change my mind!

Bo Duke:
I think Freddy spotted us. Now he's trying to hide hisself in that studio tour.

Daisy Duke:
Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find him on a tourist tram.

Luke Duke:
Don't count on it, cous'. He knows his way around this place like a snake in a gopher patch.

Bo Duke:
Let's go.

Daisy Duke:
You wait right here, Roddy, 'cause we're gonna be back in a flash with your cash.

Boss Hogg:
Rosco, zip your flappin' lip. You're lettin' the cold air into your empty head.

Freddy Flenders:
[caught by the Dukes] Oh, hi everybody. By the way, your checks are in the mail.

Luke Duke:
Aha, and a good fairy's bringin them, right?

Uncle Jesse Duke:
[narrating] Fact is, Boss was a hatchin' a scheme that was a real ring-tail lalapolooza.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Boss, do I have to take my pants off?

Boss Hogg:
Oh of course not, Rosco. I'll never ask you to do nothing you don't want to do.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Well, that's a relief.

Boss Hogg:
So I won't be askin' you to do me this one itty-bitty little favor and model them prison outfits for Hazzard county.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Oh, I 'preciate it, cuh!

Boss Hogg:
Even though it might be the end of your career in law-enforcement.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ooh.

Boss Hogg:
The removal of your kinfolk from the County preroad.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ooh!

Boss Hogg:
And no more sassafraz cookies from my personal cookie jar.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Ooh! No more sassafraz cookies?

Boss Hogg:
No sireebob.

Daisy Duke:
What in thunder's goin' on?

Vance Duke:
Sounds like a raid on a moonshine operation.

Coy Duke:
Yeah, except we're miles and miles out to see.

Vance Duke:
We'll have to wait till the guard's asleep.

Daisy Duke:
Right, and after we escape we'll have to warn Boss Hogg & Rosco about what we just heard.

Coy Duke:
Daisy, you sure have a way of taking the fun outta things.

Vance Duke:
We gotta save Boss & Rosco, and that's that.

Daisy Duke:
But how?

Vance Duke:
By promotin' the General to Admiral.

Vance Duke:
I got me a bad feeling about this.

Boss Hogg:
Rosco, just don't stand there with your teeth in your mouth, get this snow off of my caddie.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
[Boss Hogg & Rosco are disguised as maids] You know, chubby little buddy, you don't look to bad for a little fat lady.

Boss Hogg:
Oh, Rosco, you bone headed flea brain, you just blowed up my trillion dollar formula!

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Can I get out of this dang dress now?

Boss Hogg:
Yes, yes, yes yes! You can get out of the dress, out of the car and get out of my life! Miserable numbnoggin.

Debra Far:
Really. I never thought I'd be so glad to see a giant wolf.

Daisy Duke:
You know, I got me a goosebumpy feelin' like somebody's watching us.

Coy Duke:
Yeah, me too. It's a right creepy feeling.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Oh, Boss, if you ain't the sneakiest, low-down double dealinist little fat rascal, coo!

Boss Hogg:
Oh, Rosco, it sure is nice to be so appreciated.

Daisy Duke:
Look, it's Boss' Caddie.

Coy Duke:
Boss' Caddie? He must have followed us.

Vance Duke:
It looks like he's in big trouble. Flash is driving the car.

Daisy Duke:
I gotta be dreamin'!

Vance Duke:
Somethin' sure smells like a swamp bottom around here.

Coy Duke:
I knew it! That bubble-belly Boss Hogg is behind this whole flim-flamin' trial.

Big Nic Metropopolus:
Do you, Boss Hogg, take this lovely young woman as your lawfully wedded financial partner?

Boss Hogg:
Outta gas? Us? Hoo, Rosco, you knucklehead, you musta had the mechanic put that valve on auto take.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
Well, he mighta misunderstood me, Boss. You see, my Spanish is just a might shaky.

Boss Hogg:
Shaky? Shaky? [hits Rosco with his hat repeatedly] You couldn't get hot sause in a Barcelona barbeque.

Bo Duke:
Where'd you learn that English?

Peppino:
In school.

Luke Duke:
You sure speak it nice, almost as good as me.

Daisy Duke:
Even gooder. [giggles]

Boss Hogg:
[strugling with a walkie talkie] What no good crook sold this cheap radio to Hazzard county anyhow?

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:
You did, Boss. [Flash chuckles]

Boss Hogg:
Oh. Well, it ain't so bad, haha.

Daisy Duke:
Well look yonder, fellas. It's one of them quaint little old wooden bridges.

Luke Duke:
Better slow down a might, Bo.

Bo Duke:
I would, 'cept we don't know where quaint little old Boss Hogg is at the moment. Hang on, y'all. [puts on some extra speed and drives through the wooden bridge right into the water]

Bo Duke:
Say now, would you look at this?

Peppino:
What is it, Se?or Bo?

Bo Duke:
It's a tire track. And it's an American tire track, too.

Luke Duke:
The kind that Boss Hogg's car makes.

Daisy Duke:
Boss Hogg? Now what would he be doin' here?

Bo Duke:
Beats me, I thought stealin' horses was the only thing Boss didn't do.