The Family Man

Jack:
I'm in the middle of a deal!

Cash:
Well, you're working on a new deal now, baby.

Annie:
They did a pretty good job.

Jack:
Who did?

Annie:
The aliens, in the mothership. You look just like him.

Kate:
How can you do that?

Jack:
What?

Kate:
Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years.

Jack:
Well, you know everything worked out. I mean, I like Annie.

Kate:
Well, good Jack, maybe we'll keep her.

Jack:
Because you thought I was *cocky*, I'm now on a permanent *acid trip*?

[walking the dog in the snow]

Jack:
If you could take a dump sometime in this century, then we could go home where it's warm.

Annie:
Do you like kids?

Jack:
On a case-by-case basis.

Annie:
Do you know how to make chocolate milk?

Jack:
I think I could figure it out.

Annie:
Promise you won't kidnap me and my brother and plant stuff in our brains?

Jack:
Sure.

Annie:
Welcome to earth.

Jack:
I'm sorry I was such a saint before, and I'm such a *prick* now!

Kate:
When you got on that plane, I was sure it was over. I left the airport afraid I'd never see you again. And then you showed up the very next day. That was a good surprise. You know, I think about the decision you made... maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house. That we'd spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here. I had this image of us, all grey and wrinkly, and me working in the garden and you re-painting the deck. But things change. If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us.

Jack:
We have a house in Jersey. We have two kids, Annie and Josh. Annie's not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard. She's a little precocious, but that's only because she says what's on her mind. And when she smiles... And Josh, he has your eyes. He doesn't say much, but we know he's smart. He's always got his eyes open, he's always watching us. Sometimes you can look at him and you just know he's learning something new. It's like witnessing a miracle. The house is a mess but it's ours. After 122 more payments, it's going to be ours. And you, you're a non-profit lawyer. That's right, you're completely non-profit, but that doesn't seem to bother you. And we're in love. After 13 years of marriage we're still unbelievably in love. You won't even let me touch you until I've said it. I sing to you. Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions. We've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot of sacrifices but we've stayed together. You see, you're a better person than I am. And it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was just all a dream. Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December and I imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane right now, it'll disappear forever. I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd both be fine, but I've seen what we could be like together. And I choose us.

Arnie:
[quoting Jack] Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are.

Kate:
Jack. Strong. Coffee.

Jack:
Lemme see the ticket.

Cash:
Was I talkin' to you?

Jack:
Maybe I'll buy it from you.

Cash:
Stupid ass white boy gets capped tryin' to be a hero, news at 11. Is that what you wanna see? DO YOU WANNA DIE?

Arnie:
A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - FOREVER.

Jack:
You can't keep coming in and out of people's lives, messing things up. It's not right.

Jack:
That's mine. She took my bell.

Jack:
Then I'm going to spend four hours skiing alone. Completely and utterly alone. I'm going to do that because that is my life, that's what's real... and there's nothing I can do to change that.

Kate:
[Kate is sitting at a table working on her laptop and eating some chocolate cake when Jack arrives home] Hi honey. How was the game?

Jack:
Long, boring, and generally pretty sad. Arnie seemed to enjoy it. Sorta. [he opens up the refrigerator and looks inside] Hey where's that chocolate cake?

Kate:
[Kate looks at her plate and back at Jack] Do you mean this chocolate cake?

Jack:
[Jack looks at her and shuts the fridge door. He starts walking to her] That's my piece. I was saving it because I got nauseated by that pre-cooked mini-mall rotisserie chicken.

Kate:
[eating the cake in a mocking manner] Mmm. Mmm. It's good.

Jack:
[points at the cake] Gimme that cake.

Kate:
No way! [He makes a move to reach for it, but she pulls the plate further away]

Jack:
Come on.

Kate:
I'm sorry. It's too important to me. [Jack pauses for a moment before quickly reaching for the cake, but Kate quickly grabs the plate and jumps out of her chair, causing Jack to chase her. She playfully leads him into the next room while laughing]

Jack:
[Jack surprises her around the next corner by cutting her off and shouting/singing] Ta-daah! [she playfully runs to the staircase where she lies facing up at him] I want that cake!

Kate:
[laughing] You want this cake?

Jack:
[playing along] I want it! [she smashes the cake on his lower face while laughing] Thank you. [He smiles with cake all over his mouth and chin]

Peter Lassiter:
Old flames are like old tax returns... put 'em in the file cabinet for three years, then you cut 'em loose.

Cash :

You see that ?

Character. And for what......for nine bucks. That's just so disappointing.

Jack:

I wake up with dog saliva (finish the rest).