The Family Stone

Sybil Stone:
He's gonna ask me for that ring...

Susannah Stone:
Mom, *enough* about the ring.

Meredith Morton:
I don't care whether you like me or not!

Amy Stone:
Of course you do.

Ben Stone:
[to Meredith] Are you comfortable?

Amy Stone:
[about Meredith] She has got this throat-clearing tick... it's like she's digging for clams!

Sybil Stone:
Are those mushrooms?

Meredith Morton:
Yes, those are mushrooms.

Patrick Thomas:
Isn't Everett allergic to mushrooms?

Meredith Morton:
He is?

Ben Stone:
OK, what we got going on over here? Santa's workshop. Er... OK, wha-what can I do to be of service Meredith, wha-what can I do?

Meredith Morton:
Oh, well... I think I'm all set. Everett had to run some errands in town, then he and Thad are going to meet Julie's bus...

Ben Stone:
Are those mushrooms?

Meredith Morton:
I DIDN'T KNOW!

Ben Stone:
[to Meredith] Don't dilly-dally there, pretty lady. We're all gonna be down here talking about you.

Patrick Thomas:
[Meredith is up while playing charades] Uh... bride!

Amy Stone:
[after giving her the 4-word movie title] Always A Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!... Oh, wait, that's six words.

Ben Stone:
[to Meredith] You have a freak flag. You just don't fly it.

Patrick Thomas:
[the family is playing Charades and Thad is up. No one is guessing right, but Patrick finally gets it] Ooh! "Billy Don't Be a Hero"!

Thad Stone:
Yes! THANK you!

Amy Stone:
That's a song?

Susannah Stone:
Yes, it's a song. You've heard it.

Ben Stone:
Whose clue was that? It's not very... it's not good.

Meredith Morton:
Ahem.

Ben Stone:
Hey! I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!

Sybil Stone:
[to Amy, after opening Meredith's Christmas gift, a photo of a very pregnant Sybil] That's me and you, kid. [Amy looks up, crying and nodding] Me and you.

Ben Stone:
[after opening Susannah's Christmas gift] Hey! Is this houndstooth?

Susannah Stone:
Yep! Filene's Bargain Basement.

Kelly Stone:
We will try to welcome her back in, like a *civilized* family might.

Meredith Morton:
[crying after Sybil and Amy come into the kitchen and accidentally ruin the breakfast she made] I'm just as good as any of you!

Amy Stone:
[laughing and crying at the situation] Maybe better.

Meredith Morton:
[still crying] What's so great about you guys?

Sybil Stone:
[laughing and crying along with Amy... patting Meredith's cheeks] Oh, nothing! It's just that we're all that we've got.

Meredith Morton:
I hope I'm not putting anyone out.

Amy Stone:
*Me*. You're putting, *me* out.

Sybil Stone:
[hiding from the family why Ben receives her so emotionally when coming home] Did you and Dad have fun getting stoned?

John Trousdale:
First thing's first: Who's Amy making out with in the ambulance?

Ben Stone:
Calm down. You've been drinking Cokes all day.

Ben Stone:
I'd want a little black baby.

Everett Stone:
You already have a little black baby.

Ben Stone:
Can ya dig it!

Ben Stone:
You were shovelling snow.

Meredith Morton:
I... What?

Ben Stone:
You were just a little girl in a flannel night gown. And you were shovelling snow from the walk in front of our house. And I was the snow, I was the snow. And everywhere it landed and everywhere it covered. You scoop me up with a big red shovel. You scoop me up.

Meredith Morton:
Brad? Brad Stevenson? Aren't you the guy who popped Amy's cherry?

Meredith Morton:
I slept with your brother.

Everett Stone:
You slept with who?

Thad Stone:
Do not look at me!

Meredith Morton:
Isn't there anybody that loves me?

Patrick Thomas:
[Signing] That's beautiful.

Thad Stone:
[Signing] So are you.

Meredith Morton:
I love the gays!

Meredith Morton:
[Meeting Thad, who is deaf, for the first time] HELLO. I'M MEREDITH. I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

Thad Stone:
[to Susannah] why's she shouting?

Sybil Stone:
[Signing to Thad after Meredith has insulted his being gay] Hey. Hey, you. [he doesn't look her way, she tosses a fork at his plate to get his attention] I love you. And you are more normal than any other... a**hole sitting at this table. OK? OK. I need a fork.

Meredith Morton:
I'm sorry, I would sign, but I don't know the language.

Sybil Stone:
Christmas is not "clothing optional" this year - we have a guest.

Ben Stone:
[quoting 'Where the Wild Things Are' before he lights the tree] "And now," cried Max, "Let the wild rumpus start."

Ben Stone:
So, uh, where's dad?

Sybil Stone:
He ran away. Joined the circus

Everett Stone:
Better circus.

Patrick Thomas:
Yeah. Less clowns.

Kelly Stone:
[Kelly and Ben are seated in an empty football field with a plate of suspected pot-laced brownies Kelly's eating] You want a brownie?

Ben Stone:
No thanks.

Kelly Stone:
They're good.

Ben Stone:
[after a long pause] So... it's worse this time... isn't it?

Kelly Stone:
[lightly] What do you mean?

Ben Stone:
[scoffs] Mom... Dad. I mean Mom.

Kelly Stone:
[sighs] It's not good. We only found out a couple of weeks ago.

Ben Stone:
But she'd known longer than that.

Kelly Stone:
Well, we weren't sure. And she wanted to wait, you know... until after Christmas to tell you kids.

Kelly Stone:
[Ben nods and begins to weep... Kelly puts his arm around him] I know man, I know.

Sybil Stone:
[Susannah goes upstairs to her mother's room, tiptoes inside and takes her shoes off, she then climbs on the bed and spoons with Sybil, who then awakens... she turns around and puts her hand on Susannah's cheek lovingly] Who else knows?

Sybil Stone:
[Everett is in the kitchen having coffee, Sybil put the ring down next to him] Merry Christmas.

Sybil Stone:
[Everett is silent] Don't be a jerk. I said Merry Christmas.

Everett Stone:
Dad put you up to this.

Sybil Stone:
I think you and I need to get something straight.

Everett Stone:
[scoffs] Here we go.

Sybil Stone:
[Kelly has just walked in] Not now, Kelly.

Kelly Stone:
[hesitant] All right, OK.

Sybil Stone:
Jesus, Kelly! Not now.

Kelly Stone:
OK... all right. Hey Everett.

Sybil Stone:
[Everett nods towards Kelly while Sybil takes a stool and talks to Everett] You've had a charmed life, kid. [Everett scoffs] I blame myself.

Everett Stone:
Mom... you've never made anybody's life easier.

Sybil Stone:
[laughing] What the hell do you know about it?

Everett Stone:
Oh, I know a little.

Sybil Stone:
[stops laughing] I'm sick, honey. [Everett slowly shakes his head] And you can't fix it. Not even by getting married.

Everett Stone:
[Everett begins to cry, Sybil opens her arms to comfort him] Mom...

Sybil Stone:
[chuckles] What? [embraces him briefly, then they separate] Hey, I know this is probably a tall order, but I need you to do me a favor, and try not to be so perfect. [laughs] All right?

Everett Stone:
[mumbles, still crying] I'm far from perfect.

Sybil Stone:
I hate to see you miss out on something... because you have this picture in your mind or you thought you can change something you can't. I'd hate to see you not find what you really want. Oh, but Everett... it's your ring... it's your decision.

You have a crazy flag. It just doesn’t fly