The Four-Faced Liar

Bridget:
We don't flirt, girls find us.

Molly:
Okay, uh, look at modern literature. All of the greatest female characters were written by woman because no man could ever write from a female's perspective. Women have this compassionate chemistry that allows them to listen with an unbiased ear. All woman, even you.

Molly:
Never have I been thrown up against a wall and kissed hard.

Bridget:
Never have I ever been turned down.

Greg:
Why'd you cheat on Chole?

Trip:
Honestly? I didn't know she'd be home so early... I thought I had another day.

Bridget:
Mhmm. Tuesday.

Molly:
So you call them days of the week?

Bridget:
No... Well, yes. But Trip started that

Molly:
Wait, but there are that many?

Bridget:
No... sometimes.

Molly:
I've never just dated, per say.

Bridget:
I wouldn't necessarily call it dating.

Molly:
What would you call it?

Bridget:
F***ing?

Bridget:
Ugh, that's totally my thing!

Molly:
What thing?

Bridget:
Everyone has a thing that makes them attracted to someone else. Like, you straight girls are into holding doors and a hand on the small of your back.

Molly:
Totally.

Bridget:
That lip thing, that's... my thing.

Trip:
Why do you think everyone is gay?

Bridget:
I don't think everyone is gay.

Trip:
Mmhmm.

Bridget:
I don't think Chloe's gay.

Chloe:
I have totally kissed a girl.

Bridget:
Sweetheart, if I thought you were like a second gay, I'd be all up in it.

Chloe:
Well now is your chance, Bridge. Wanna do me in the bathroom?

Bridget:
Yes

Trip:
Stop hitting on my girlfriend.

Bridget:
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you allowed to do that? Didn't think so.

Trip:
A**hole.

Bridget:
F***er.

Molly:
Hey... Cute skirt!

Trip:
I'm a four.

Bridget:
I don't really know if that proves that I'm more sensitive then all guys.

Molly:
Stop saying that. You listen with your whole body and you have this intense eye contact. No guy, not even the best guys, have that.

Bridget:
But I don't really feel like that's a gender thing, I feel like that's a personal thing.

Molly:
You're SO wrong. Okay, uh, look at modern literature. All of the greatest female characters were written by woman because no man could ever write from a female's perspective. Women have this compassionate chemistry that allows them to listen with an unbiased ear. All woman, even you.

Trip:
Stop f***ing his girlfriend.

Bridget:
I don't know what you're talking about.

[Chloe quietly enters Bridget's room while she is sleeping next to Molly]

Bridget:
[whispering] What's going on?

Chloe:
I'm sorry. I just gotta do a final sweep through of my stuff. I can't find my hair straightener.

Bridget:
Well, I don't have anything in here.

Chloe:
Why can't I look for it now?

Bridget:
Well... I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Chloe:
I'm sorry, I can be totally quiet.

Molly:
[sits up in bed] Hey, what's going on?

[both Molly and Chloe gasp while Bridget looks mortified]

Chloe:
Oh, my God. I knew it. I f***ing knew it! You're an idiot. You know that?

Molly:
It's all my fault.

Chloe:
You're right. It is all your fault! You have a boyfriend, Molly! This is absurd! Please tell me that you were drunk last night.

[Molly does not reply]

Chloe:
Oh, this is a sober brilliant idea! What is wrong with you? Great... this has been a wonderful morning. Whatever... I gotta go. See you later, Bridget. And Molly... just give me a call later when you get your head out of your ass!

Bridget:
I can be both. I-I mean I can be. I can be the unreliable douche-schnozzle who grabs her ass in public and wears work boots, but I can be also be the one who holds doors for her, and tucks her in at night, and-and buys her f***ing gerber daisies for no goddamn reason!

Chloe:
I know you can.

Bridget:
I'm gonna go kick his ass right now.

Chloe:
N-n-n-no, no, no, no. Come on Bridge.

Bridget:
I'm done with this!

Chloe:
Don't say that.

Bridget:
I just did. Did she go home with him?

Chloe:
I don't know.

Bridget:
F***!

Chloe:
I don't think so.

Bridget:
You f***ing straight girls! You're all just a bunch of closet cases. Maybe we should all just date guys! Maybe I should I have a f***ing boyfriend! My heart, is like on the floor right now. I wish a car would just come and hit me!

Chloe:
You want me to hail a cab?

Bridget:
No, I'm talkin' bus.