The Funhouse

Funhouse:
[discovers that the Monster - who also turns out to be his son - has killed Madame Zena after paying her for sex... because she wouldn't give him a refund] You paid Madame Zena a hundred dollars for this? You crazy fool, I could have gotten you one of them tent-girls for fifteen! Well, you never were much for knowing the value of cash, were you?

Funhouse:
[to the freak] Hit yerself, you ugly thing!

Funhouse:
...Who will dare to face the challenge of the Funhouse? Who is mad enough to enter that world of darkness? How about you, sir...?

Mrs. Harper:
I don't see why you wanna waste your time with a guy who works in a filling station.

Amy Harper:
It's a first date, Mama. We're not getting married.

Amy Harper:
Listen, how would you like to go to the movies instead of the carnival?

Buzz Klemmet:
The movies? What for?

Amy Harper:
It's the same carnival that went through Fairfield County, where they had all that trouble.

Buzz Klemmet:
Terrific. Maybe we'll get a little action. Come on. You're not afraid to go, are you?

Amy Harper:
No, I just don't feel like it. Besides, I promised my father we were going to the movies.

Buzz Klemmet:
Forget about your old man. He's trying to bum your evening.

Amy Harper:
How can you say that? You don't even know my father.

Buzz Klemmet:
Hey, loosen up, will ya?

Richie Atterbury:
Amy'll hit it off for sure. Buzz is a terrific guy.

Liz Duncan:
She's stoned. When you're stoned, Charles Manson is a terrific guy.

Liz Duncan:
I hate people who preach. Especially in bathrooms.

Buzz Klemmet:
Hey! Watch who you're calling an a**hole, a**hole.

Richie Atterbury:
When I was a kid, I once tried to spook my older brother by hiding in his closet. While I was waiting in there to jump out and scare him, a weird thought came into my head. What if he knew I was in there, and he was standing just outside the closet door, waiting to jump out and scare me?

Liz Duncan:
So, what happened?

Buzz Klemmet:
He locked you in, didn't he?

Richie Atterbury:
I waited for three hours till my parents came home and got me out. I was too scared to touch the doorknob. I... I wet my pants.

Funhouse:
I've been expecting you.

Amy Harper:
Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to kill us?

Funhouse:
I'm just protecting my family.

Amy Harper:
Your family? But that guy... he's not even human.

Funhouse:
The Lord works in mysterious ways, little lady. He ain't such a bad fella. My son does get himself in all sorts of trouble, though, don't he? Anyway, blood is thicker than water. I'm sure he's gonna be a real comfort to me in my old age. Now, how many people know you're here?

Amy Harper:
[lying] Lots. Our parents... they all know.

Funhouse:
[scoffs] Well, no matter. We'll be pullin' outta here tomorrow mornin'. There's plenty other carnivals.

Buzz Klemmet:
What'd you do with Liz? The other girl?

Funhouse:
Oh, I expect by now he's just finishin' up with her. We'll just wait here till he gets back.

[Richie's corpse appears]

Funhouse:
Oh, my, my! That IS a gruesome sight.

[Buzz attacks the Funhous Barker for his gun, which goes off and kills the Barker; then the Monster appears and attacks Buzz for the gun, which goes off again and kills Buzz]

Madame Zena:
[after ejecting Amy, Buzz, Richie, and Liz] Don't come back, or I'll break every bone in your f***in' bodies. Beat it!