The George Burns One-Man Show

The Captain:
Toni, if Mr. Burns gets tired do you think we should do about three minutes?

Toni Tennille:
I just got a look at him, honey. I think we better plan on ten.

Gladys Knight:
George, I don't like that cough. If you don't rest your vocal cords, you might never sing again!

George Burns:
Gladys, I don't sing with my vocal cords.

Gladys Knight:
Well, whatever it is you sing with, you better rest it.

George Burns:
You mean you want me to sit on it?

George Burns:
Bob, the truth. Do I look 81?

Bob Hope:
Not anymore.

Bob Hope:
You know, when one reaches a certain age, sex and violence becomes the same thing.