The Girl Next Door

Matthew Kidman:
Matthew: [while giving Danielle a crumpled paper] I just want you to know that I know who you really are, and you're better than this. [Danielle uncrumples the paper and it is the drawing she made of the girl with lipstick at the table with Matthew.]

Matthew Kidman:
Matthew: [after Kelly gives him ectasy] Oh my God, am I gonna die?!?

Matthew Kidman:
Matthew: Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically [mumbling] being a f***ing boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.

Matthew Kidman:
Matthew: Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it.

Danielle:
Danielle: [repeated line] What's the craziest thing you've done lately?

Danielle:
Danielle: Just go with it.

Danielle:
Danielle: Hi, I'm all wet. Can I come in?

Eli:
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't f*** her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! F*** HER FOR ME! FOR ME!

Eli:
Eli: God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

Eli:
Eli: I just gotta f*** something.

Eli:
Eli: Minions!

Kelly:
[When some high school girls like the idea that Kelly has weed]

Kelly:
Kelly: You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences.

Kelly:
[Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players] Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - F***, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.

Hugo Posh's Parrot:
Cradle the balls!

April:
[to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.

Eli:
Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.

Klitz:
A tripod?

Eli:
Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

[repeated line]

Matthew:
It's not funny.

Danielle:
It's a little funny.

[during watching porn movie]

Klitz:
- Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.

Eli:
Shh... Dude, learn to like it.

Mr. Peterson:
[while both receiving lap dances] So, what was the scholarship for?

Matthew:
Moral fiber.

Eli:
Dude, don't mess this up.

Matthew:
Mess what up?

Eli:
Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!

Matthew:
Eli, I like this girl.

Eli:
And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.

Matthew:
Eli, you're never going to see her again.

Eli:
Oh, you know what? Fine!

Matthew:
Fine!

Eli:
Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't f*** her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! F*** her for me! For me!

Matthew:
Why are you doing this?

Danielle:
What?

Matthew:
This.

Danielle:
Isn't that what you want? To f*** a porn star in a cheap motel room? So this is what you really think of me.

Matthew:
Danielle, wait. I'm sorry.

Danielle:
Let me guess. Someone showed you a tape, and you thought, "What the hell. She does it for a living right?"

Matthew:
Eli told me to do it.

Danielle:
Oh, now that's a mature response.

Matthew:
Why didn't you just tell me?

Danielle:
Because I didn't want to. okay?..... Because I loved the way you looked at me...... God, do you have an idea how... forget it.

[walks away]

Matthew:
Hold On...

Danielle:
[shouts] F*** you.

Eli:
Dude!

Matthew:
I know.

Klitz:
Dude!

Matthew:
I know.

Kelly:
Sometimes in life if you wanna do something good, you gotta do something bad.

Matthew:
Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.

Kelly:
This is politics.

Mrs. Kidman:
[referring to Eli & Klitz's porn star dates] Eli, do those girls go to your school?

Eli:
Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.

[Mrs. Kidman laughs dismisingly]

Ferrari:
I know I lost my virginity at prom. How about you? When did you lose your virginity?

April:
When I was ten.

Ferrari:
Okay, moving on...

Danielle:
Thank you.

Matthew:
For what?

Danielle:
I never went to prom.

Film School Student:
Why'd you decide to skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?

Eli:
SHUT THE F*** UP! Next question.

Tagline:
Matt never saw her coming... but all his friends had!

Kelly:
[When some high school girls like the idea that Kelly has weed] Hey, you know who's got the killer bud? [hits Klitz] This f***er right here. [Kelly gives Klitz a Ziplock bag filled with Marijuana and suddenly the girls are interested in him]