The Golden Touch

King Midas:
[singing] I'm known as Rich King Midas / And when you look at me / You'll see a king / Who knows a thing / About his treasury / I never cared for women / I've never cared for wine / But when I count / A large amount / Of money - Ha ha! - It's divine / Gold, gold, gold! / I worship it, I love it / Gold, gold, gold! / I wish I had more of it / My love for shining gold is such / That I could never have too much / I wish that everything I touched / Would turn to gold, gold gold!

King Midas:
Who art thou, stranger?

Goldie:
A friend. Just call me Goldie.

King Midas:
What do you want? My gold?

Goldie:
I, want that paltry gold? Ha ha! 'Tis like chicken feed to me. Behold!

[Touches Midas' cat and turns it to gold]

King Midas:
The golden touch!

[Grabs the gold cat, but Goldie stops him and turns the cat back to normal]

King Midas:
My gold! My kingdom! Everything for the golden touch!

[Starts taking off his coat]

Goldie:
Keep thy shirt on, old king. To you the golden touch would prove a golden curse.

King Midas:
A curse? A curse? Ha! Then curse me with the golden touch! Ha ha ha ha!

Goldie:
Ah, but gold is the snare of the soul. Gold is the root of all evil. Gold is the...

King Midas:
Fiddlesticks! Give me gold, not advice.

Goldie:
So be it. I gave thee advise. Now I give thee gold. The golden touch is thine. Toodle-oo!

King Midas:
[to his reflection] Hail, Midas. Ha ha ha! Thou, rascal, thou. Shall we turn the Earth to gold? The rivers, the mountains, the stars, the moon, the sky... a universe of gold!

Goldies:
Ah, is this the great man who bellowed, "Give me gold, not advise"?

King Midas:
Goldie, Goldie! Help me, Goldie! Take away this golden curse! Don't let me starve! Take everything! My gold, my kingdom for a hamburger sandwich!

Goldies:
With or without onions?

King Midas:
Hamburger! Just plain old hamburger!

Goldies:
Ha ha ha! Now thou art a wise and humble king. I will take back the golden touch in exchange for everything you possess. Toodle-oo!

King Midas:
[to his reflection] Is the richest king in all the world to starve to death?

[Reflection turns into a skeleton and nods]