The Golf Specialist

J. Effingham Bellweather:
You know, I've never struck a woman in my life.

Mrs. Detective:
You haven't?

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Not even my own mother.

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Ohhh! Godfrey Daniel!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Don't stand there! Don't you know I'll smite you in the sconce with this truncheon?

J. Effingham Bellweather:
[commenting on a dog] That's a beautiful camel you have with you.

Little Girl:
Hey, mister!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
[with his back toward her] Uh, hello, little boy. I'm...

Little Girl:
Would you give me a dollar?

J. Effingham Bellweather:
[without turning around] Oh, it's a little girl. [turning around] Hello, little girl. How old are you?

Little Girl:
Five years old!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Five years old?

Little Girl:
[grasping a box] Would you give me a dollar to put in my bank?

J. Effingham Bellweather:
I'll give you a dollar to put in your bank if you'll sing me a song.

Little Girl:
Give me the dollar first!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Ah, you're more than five! Go on, get out of here!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
[discovering his caddy with a pie] Fancy bringing a pie to the golf course! A pint yes, but a pie never!

[repeated line]

J. Effingham Bellweather:
Now stand clear and keep your eye on the ball!

J. Effingham Bellweather:
[to his caddy] I wouldn't have you with me again as caddy for all the tea in China, all the tea or coffee or chop suey or whatever it is there they have so much of. As I said I'd like to wring your neck. Like to wash it first and then give it a good wring. Give it a ring they'd hear for miles - miles.

House Detective's Wife:
[Approaching some people] I'm going to join your party!

[a man in the group says "Oh yeah?" and the group leaves]

House Detective's Wife:
[Very softly] Well, of all the nerve.