The Grand

Harold Melvin:
It is apparent that you have no concept of pot odds. There are a number of books available in the gift shop that explain it quite thoroughly. Also, you have corn in your teeth.

Harold Melvin:
Maintain a perimeter, Ruth.

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
[gesturing to an architectural model of a casino hotel] Guess how many rooms.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
How many . . .

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
Wild guess. How many rooms?

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Three thousand?

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
I knew you'd be wrong.

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
I myself despise nostalgia, because it's so old.

Harold Melvin:
You should have gone all in three hours ago when your stack still meant something.

Harold Melvin:
I was a two-to-one underdog, and the pot paid me 11 to 1. Not a bad risk return ratio. You played poorly.

Harold Melvin:
It's so stupid that you don't use more efficient cooking utensils.

Harold Melvin:
I have lived with my mother since I was born. I live with her because it is convenient and because it is difficult for me to take care of myself. I will probably be stuck with her for the rest of my life. Or the rest of her life. Because she's much older than me, she will die first.

Harold Melvin:
Ruth, if I were a food critic, I would give your cooking five stars -- five stars that had each collapsed into a black hole and merged to form the largest black hole in the universe.

Larry Schwartzman:
I can psych the sh*t out of people. I don't need cards to beat you. I can literally have no cards, and I would still beat you. You think that's not playing fairly, or that's not the way a gentleman plays? I would fight you over that.

Phil Gordon:
I'm Phil Gordon, and joining me in the booth is Mike Werbe.

Mike Werbe:
And I'm Mike Werbe.

Harold Melvin:
I knew you only had one pair. Your bet on the river was as transparent as a cloaked Romulan Bird of Prey.

The German:
Arschloch.

Harold Melvin:
It is apparent that you have no concept of pot odds. There are a number of books available in the gift shop that explain it quite thoroughly.

Larry Schwartzman:
If people played correctly, I would win every single hand, ever.

Seth Schwartzman:
I think if you tell one kid that you don't love him as much, believe me, that kid is gonna try harder.

Hotel Security Guard:
Sir, you're going to have to leave right now.

The German:
I can't find my bunny.

Harold Melvin:
[quoting Dune] It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

Larry Schwartzman:
Is that Rush?

Phil Gordon:
I think that's a terrible mistake, Mike.

Mike Werbe:
He's coming from a different generation. Imagine if Abe Lincoln showed up with a stovepipe hat. The electric lights alone are gonna throw him off.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Building his stack . . . !

Lainie Schwartzman:
Yeah, guess I just put that little brainiac f***er back in the game.

Harold Melvin:
You have the vocabulary of a drunken spice miner and the hairstyle of an Arrakeen whore.

Mike Werbe:
That's the end of the rainbow for this Cinderella story.

[Jack's dead grandfather appears wearing a heavy fur coat]

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Grandpa! Are you . . . are you . . .

'Lucky' Faro:
Yeah, Jack.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Are you . . . warm . . . in that coat?

'Lucky' Faro:
No! I'm a ghost!

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Oh. So . . . because, we didn't bury you in that, I just wonder, did you get to pick your own outfit --

'Lucky' Faro:
Jack, I'm not here to give you a f***ing seminar on the hereafter.

Renee Jensen:
Dad, can I just get my job back, and we can move on from this?

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
Look, two things. First, you don't call me "Dad" unless it's Thanksgiving or your birthday.

Renee Jensen:
. . . my birthday. I know. What's the second thing?

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
Thanksgiving . . . or your birthday. That's two.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
Yes, I did get thrown out of my own casino, I'm not sure how exactly that happened, but they do say that I gave the order.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
So I wanna keep the Rabbit's Foot. It's my dream and my passion, and I think.. I have to...

Billionaire Steve Lavisch:
As I listen to you, it occurs to me that maybe you're requesting something of me, and you should know I never answer requests in the positive. Ahh, it's just, it's just not what I do.

L.B.J. Deuce Fairbanks:
Will you take a look at all of this crap. [Indicating the modern Las Vegas strip.] Buried underneath all of this is a history; history of Las Vegas. It's the place where Moe Dalitz opened up his first burlesque club. Place where you can find a thirteen year old in a whorehouse if that was your pleasure. It was a place where the Jews and the blacks had to enter the casinos through rear entrances. By the way, on this corner right here, I stabbed a bum.

The German:
To feel alive and to get this energy, it is essential for me to kill something each day. It doesn't have to be a large animal. I squish an ant once in a while, or spiders, they come very easily. I've shot stray dogs. Goose.. is a very, very troublesome animal. I've had a goat. To strangle a goat, that makes you feel really alive.

L.B.J. Deuce Fairbanks:
Let me tell ya how the internet screwed up poker, okay. When a guy sucks out on the river, on the internet, you cannot take the guy out in the parking lot and you cannot break his f***in' knees.

Mike Werbe:
Every time you play a hand of you poker you wanna run through a mental check list. Head Position Hand Position Neck Position Breathing Posture. More than 25 items. It's a lot. And that why I've come up with a handy mnemonic device. Just one word: HPHPNPBPECMSPAMDCPAFTSTTL. It's easy.

The German:
Lucky Faro, he was a fiend, a monster, and yet, against my better judgment, I loved him. We even tried to murder eachother at some point.

One Eyed Jack Faro:
I've been married approximately, 74 times. I loved everyone one of em.