The Halloween That Almost Wasn't

Frankenstein's Monster:
My feet hurt!

Count Dracula:
Don't give me that! I happen to know those aren't your feet!

Frankenstein's Monster:
What did you have to bring that up for?

Igor:
From Bulgaria. The incredible man whom Doctor Frankenstein created in his spare time... from a lot of spare parts- The Frankenstein creature.

Count Dracula:
Hiya, Baby, it's me, Count Dracula.

Witch:
I didn't think it was a humming bird.

Count Dracula:
Igor, you did it again! How many times do I have to tell you? Keep my tomb door open at night and closed in the day. Open at night and closed in the day!

Frankenstein's Monster:
Are they gone yet?

Count Dracula:
Yes, it's safe for you to come out now and protect my life!

Count Dracula:
Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat.

Count Dracula:
What do I do now?

Igor:
Master, believe me, they're just illusions. They cannot harm you.

Count Dracula:
Can't do any me harm, huh? Who did that? Termites?

Count Dracula:
Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat

Igor:
[announcing the witch's arrival] The flying Queen of Hallowe'en!

Witch:
Outta my way, shorty!

Witch:
Well, for heavens sake! You look just like me.

Girl dressed as witch:
This is my favorite costume, because of you.

Witch:
It is? Why?

Girl dressed as witch:
Because you're one of my favorite people.

Boy dressed as Scarecrow:
We love you just the way you are! All the kids feel that way.

Witch:
You really love me? All right, I'll do it! Knowing you love me means more to me than any of his promises.

Count Dracula:
Oh, then we can forget those silly conditions that you asked for?

Witch:
Not on your life! You're going to keep every one of those promises just the same! Starting with the disco party right after I ride over the moon. So long, kids! This ride is just for you!

Igor:
I believe I hear the Master coming now!

[he looks out the window]

Igor:
Yes! I can see him clearly through the fog!

[Dracula crashes and slams into the window]

Count Dracula:
It's one of those days I wish I was dead. And stayed dead.