The Hammer

Jerry Ferro:
Who hangs a heavy bag with toggle bolts?

Jerry Ferro:
You guys sure seem to love Nicaragua except for the part where you risked your lives not to live there any more.

Oswaldo Sanchez:
Jerry! Jerry! Wake up, man! You missing the tryouts, man!

Jerry Ferro:
[sleeping] I'll do the Olympics next time...

Jerry Ferro:
Do you have taquitos?

Roach Coach Lady:
Taquitos?

Jerry Ferro:
Hey, if you said spaghetti I wouldn't be confused. Taquitos!

Jerry Ferro:
Look at these kids, they look pissed off that they're not at Disneyland. I would sue my parents if they took me here.

Coach Bell:
So what are you?

Jerry Ferro:
Well, up until 2 hours ago, I was a carpenter.

Coach Bell:
So you still have your amateur status?

Jerry Ferro:
Not as a carpenter.

Jerry Ferro:
What are you building?

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
Storage shed.

Jerry Ferro:
What are you siding it with?

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
T-111.

Jerry Ferro:
...You gotta be careful with that T-111. You wanna get the margins right, you know. They have a T&G joint. Wanna get it just right.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
If by T&G you mean tongue and groove, you're wrong. The T-111 has a shiplap seam.

Jerry Ferro:
I'm pretty sure it's T&G. I've worked with it a lot.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
No. No. It's shiplap.

Jerry Ferro:
Well, let's talk foundation bolting. What are you holding the bottom plate down to the slab with.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
Redheads.

Jerry Ferro:
Oh, you're going with wedge anchors. Yeah, I'd go with J bolts. I'd put 'em in when the slab was wet. That way, I wouldn't have to bust out the roto hammer.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
Well, if I was going with a footing, I'd use the J bolts but we have a 4-inch slab, so...

Jerry Ferro:
[arrogantly] Cut corners, people get hurt.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
It's a tool shed. It's not an underground parking structure.

Jerry Ferro:
[mock outrage] Okay. We're in earthquake country. I don't know if you heard.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
So what you building...

Jerry Ferro:
...I'm building a deck for my lady...

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
What you screwing it off with, deckers?

Jerry Ferro:
No, using 16-penny galvanized common heads.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
Oh, you get a hell of a lot more grab with a core-stripped bugle head zinc drywall screw.

Jerry Ferro:
I hit.690 in the Van Nuys Unlimited Arc League.

Woman Who Argues With Jerry:
All-American, Arizona state.

Jerry Ferro:
Ozzie!

Oswaldo Sanchez:
Yeah?

Jerry Ferro:
[Quietly] Let's get those uh... Let's get those drywall screws.

Jerry Ferro:
[opening voice over] They say you should never let go of your dreams. But if your dream is to be a Mouseketeer, and you're 45, you may want to let that one go. On the other hand, if your dream is to be a Wal-Mart greeter, you can hang on to that baby until like a year after you die. Me? I don't even know what my dream is, but it's all right. I've got time. I won't be turning forty for another... [alarm clock begins beeping] Ugh! I just turned forty.

Jerry Ferro:
That's good. Take that energy, take that hostility and harness it. Use it. You've got the Eye of the A**hole, my brother.

Jerry Ferro:
A good fart would take this thing down.

Malice Blake:
Oh, it's on now, toggle bolt!

Mike LeMat:
No hablo retardo, Speedy Gonzalez.

Jerry Ferro:
I'd have kicked your ass but calling me middle class is about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Jerry Ferro:
Yeah, coach, when is the black man finally gonna get a fair shake in the fight game?

Jerry Ferro:
I don't know. I've seen some of those guys. They're pretty ripped.

Jeff:
Come on, you think I'm gonna lose to a guy who enters the ring to Barbara Streisand?

Jerry Ferro:
Uhh, I think you'd lose to Barbara Streisand.

Malice Blake:
That was a slip, motherf***er! Don't go saying you knocked Malice Blake to the canvas.

Jerry Ferro:
[Turns to face Malice Blake's entourage] Did you fellas see me knock Malice Blake to the canvas?

Coach Bell:
You know, I've seen guys like you before. You're one of those 95 percenters who never quite gives it everything he's got.

Jerry Ferro:
Actually, I'm a 75 percenter who's giving **you** an extra 20 percent.

Coach Bell:
Get out of here.

Coach Bell:
This guy was not the number one ranked amateur five years ago for nothing.

Jerry Ferro:
What's he been doing for the last five years?

Coach Bell:
He's been doing five years.

Jerry Ferro:
He'll be punched out by the tenth round, coach.

Oswaldo Sanchez:
It's only a four-round fight.

Jerry Ferro:
Oh, thank Christ, 'cause I'm gassed.

Jerry Ferro:
But it's Saturday.

Lindsay Pratt:
Crime doesn't take weekends off, I'm afraid.

Jerry Ferro:
You're so butch.

[last lines]

Oswaldo Sanchez:
Lindsay, he cry!