The House That Shadows Built

Sammy Brown:
My name is Sammy Brown and I just came into town. Saw your ad, you're Mr. Lee. Say, you can make a mint on me.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
What do you do?

Sammy Brown:
Dance, sing.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
Play a role?

Sammy Brown:
Anything. Say, I'm a find for guys like you, cause there's nothing I can't do.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
Tell me, where did you work before?

Sammy Brown:
In a department store.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
Who told you you could dance and sing?

Sammy Brown:
For money, I'll do anything.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
I need a drink.

Tomalio:
Alright, I'll take a drink.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
You'll take the air!

Sammy Brown:
The air he cries!

Tomalio:
I no like the air. It's too cold outside.

Caesar's Ghost:
I played a part in Ben Hur once.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
What part did you play, sir?

Caesar's Ghost:
A girl, she played the part of Ben.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
And you?

Caesar's Ghost:
I played her.

Caesar's Ghost:
I want to play a dramatic part, the kind that touch a woman's heart, to make her cry for me to die ...

Tomalio:
Did you ever get hit with a cocoanuts pie?

Caesar's Ghost:
[To Tomalio] That's my argument. Restrict immigration.

Sammy Brown:
[After the Merchant of Wieners performs] Well, what do you think?

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
I wouldn't give him a dollar a week.

Tomalio:
Not so loud. He'll take it.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
[After Caesar's Ghost performs] Give me a brick!

Caesar's Ghost:
[Hands Mr. Lee a brick] Here's a brick. I always carry one for this imitation.

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
Say, I ought to lay this on your head!

Caesar's Ghost:
You can't do that - you don't belong to my bricklayer's union!

Sammy Brown:
This isn't Monkey Business.

[reading a note from The Merchant of Wieners]

Mr. Lee, Theatrical Agent:
My name is What-Do-You-Care, my home is anywhere. People say I'm awful dumb, so I thought to you I'd come.

Caesar's Ghost:
Now, just a moment, wait a minute. He might be crazy. Wait, I'll find out. You wanna go on the stage?

[The Merchant of Wieners nods]

Caesar's Ghost:
Crazy.