The Irish R.M.

Slipper:
Good day to your Honour. I hope the grey horse is to your liking.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
Er, yes, thank you. What's the charge against this man ?

Mr. Prentice, Clerk of the Court:
Joseph Aloysius Mahoney, known as Slipper, accused of being drunk and disorderly, outside the Temperance Hotel.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
Outside the ... ? Do you plead guilty, or not guilty ?

Slipper:
Well, I was, and I wasn't.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
If there is any doubt in your mind, you should plead, not guilty. I take it the Police are prosecuting ? Now, you're still on oath, Sergeant.

Sergeant Murray:
Yes, sir.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
You say this man was drunk ?

Sergeant Murray:
I would say that this party was not to say, drunk, but in good fighting trim, sir.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
He was making a nuisance of himself ?

Sergeant Murray:
Ah well now, Slipper is a contrary little man, and never duly sober.

Philippa Yeates:
[as Mrs. Cadogan extracts a smashed whisky bottle and a pair of stockings and dancing shoes from a newspaper parcel] Sinclair, I don't understand. Where is our salmon?

Maj. Sinclair Yeates:
I regret to inform you that it is in the possession of the Reel-dancing Champion of the County.

Maj. Sinclair Yeates:
Oh, dear! I fear Flurry is in the state described in Court as, "Not drunk, but having drink taken".

Basil Leigh-Kelway:
Exactly how old is that poem? A hundred years? Two? Older?

Seamus Ruedh:
I never thought to ask. But, 'tis older than meself.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
Don't tell me Slipper's in trouble again

Flurry Knox:
He isn't. You may be. [pause] My grandmother means to sit today

Major Sinclair Yeates:
Mrs Knox? I've never heard of a woman magistrate before.

Flurry Knox:
Nor has anyone else. She took over from me grandfather. [pause] No one liked to question it.

Flurry Knox:
There isn't a four year old in the county I'd been seen dead with at a pig fair.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
But it isn't six weeks that you said that you had the finist filly in your stables that was ever foaled in the county

Flurry Knox:
Oh is it that filly! I swapped her and six pounds for a three year old iron monger colt and after that I swapped the iron monger colt and nineteen pounds for the banded horse that i rode over at your place last week, and after that again I sold the banded horse for seventy five pounds to ol' McClaughry.

Major Sinclair Yeates:
Oh... I see

Flurry Knox:
So I did pretty well eh