The Jane Austen Book Club

Allegra:
Why does she have to speak in French?

Jocelyn:
And if so, couldn't she do it in France, where it's less noticeable?

Daniel Avila:
Can we at least agree that human beings need human connection. You know... companionship, conversation, sex.

Allegra:
You get those things from mom, Jocelyn gets those things from her dogs.

Bernadette:
All Jane Austen, all the time. It's the perfect antidote.

Prudie Drummond:
To what?

Bernadette:
To life.

Jocelyn:
Do you think he has a brain tumor?

Sylvia Avila:
I think he fell in love.

Jocelyn:
Well, I'm rooting for the brain tumor.

Jocelyn:
You know what I'm wondering before I go? How do you feel about older women?

Grigg Harris:
Ah, great. I have three older sisters, so I like all women.

Prudie Drummond:
Being the only child of a woman who gave birth in a commune after changing her name to Skygirl, I've come to loath hippie-handie crafts.

Bernadette:
How's Sylvia doing without Daniel?

Allegra:
She's still stuck in the wounded stage. When she's ready for anger, I'm so there.

Daniel Avila:
[speaking to Sylvia after running into her with the woman he left her for] I'm sorry, we don't shop on this side of town, ever. Sorry. You can have this Whole Foods. We won't ever use it again, ok?

Grigg Harris:
Isn't physical attraction one of the the ungovernable forces? You know, like gravity - that's what we like about it. Downhill, release the brakes, loosen your grip and then - whoosh!

Bernadette:
Our world is an English village.

Grigg Harris:
One day, I'm like 10 years old, my dad takes me back to the shed and he shows me some magazines that he keeps back there. He says, "This is strictly guy stuff. It's top secret. Very private. Tell no one."

[he shows a sci-fi magazine and laughs]

Grigg Harris:
So from then on... It was like... I don't know... It's like me and my dad and science fiction. These were the first books I fell in love with, and I never got over it.

Sylvia Avila:
You want to do what a husband does? You want to fix things? You can't fix this. All that's gone now.

Dean Drummond:
Baby, high school's over.

Prudie Drummond:
High school's never over.

Sylvia Avila:
Look, I adore Jocelyn, but . . . ah ha, if, "Loving is letting go," then whoever wants Jocelyn is going to have to pry her fingers loose, one by one.

Editor:
Dear Ms. Corrine Mahern, we regret that we must decline to publish the three short stories you sent to us. 'Benny's Basketball' is strong narratively, but the depiction of your penis-waving retarded boy felt a little unkind. And isn't the title 'Separating Eggs For Flan' a bit obvious as a metaphor for your parents' divorce? Yet we confess that 'Skydiver' puzzled us most. Why would a beautiful, self-centered young lesbian jump out of a plane?

Jocelyn:
If we stay in this lane, we're going to be late.

Grigg Harris:
Given that I have to convert donut grease into biofuel every time I fill up the tank, I try not to drive very fast.

Jocelyn:
We're barely moving... Why are you getting off here?

Grigg Harris:
I enjoy seeing the river.

Jocelyn:
What are you, Mark Twain? Now we're gonna get stuck at every light.

Grigg Harris:
What about me? Am I your friend? Or am I just some widget to help you make Sylvia feel better about herself? Why did you invite me to be part of your book club? What went through your mind the first time you saw me? "There's a man who is dying to read every book Jane Austen ever wrote." Is that what you thought?

Jocelyn:
No.

Grigg Harris:
But I thought, "What a beautiful woman. I hope she looks over at me." I thought if I read your favorite books that you would read mine. But, no, no, no, no... You just want to be obeyed. That's why you have dogs.

Prudie Drummond:
I'm in love with one of my students. I mean, nothing's happened, much. It could if I let it... I fantasize about him constantly.

Bernadette:
Sweetie, your mother died. This is grief.

Prudie Drummond:
He looks at me like he's the spoon, and I'm this dish of ice cream.

Sylvia Avila:
I was thinking just this morning about this book club we're in, Allegra and me. The first meeting was right after we separated, 'cause Allegra had just moved in. And I was realizing how different I feel. I don't think I'm the same woman that you left.

Daniel Avila:
I can see that. I so see that.

Sylvia Avila:
Well, it's probably the same for you. I guess that's what happens when you let go. We did a good job taking things apart. I'm kinda proud of us.

Jocelyn:
I'm warning you, if Grigg starts making little remarks, I'm gonna walk out.

Bernadette:
You two just keep it together for one more book.

Grigg Harris:
Women never go for the nice guys.

Jocelyn:
Please, men say that, but when you get to know some of these men who complain the most, you find out they're not as nice as they think they are.

Jocelyn:
Sex is messy. Maybe Mrs. Dashwood prefers a more well-ordered life.

Grigg Harris:
Maybe that's why she's such a minor character.

Jocelyn:
I think if you read Austen's novels...

Grigg Harris:
Oh, I have. You wanted me to, and I did.

Jocelyn:
I think you'll see she always writes in favor of order and self-control. Nothing unwise.

Grigg Harris:
So what, this is a rulebook?

Bernadette:
We could do worse.

Cat:
Okay, he'd kill me for saying this, but my brother likes you. I'm figuring he'll never tell you. And this way it's up to you. My sisters and me, I wouldn't say we ruined him, but he's just way too considerate to make the first move.

Prudie Drummond:
[showing Dean a copy of Persuasion] Will you do me a favor? Will you read this?

Dean Drummond:
Isn't that what you're special little book club's for?

Prudie Drummond:
I really want you to read it. Please Dean.

Dean Drummond:
Prudie, I feel like you want me to be something I'm not. I just walk around being me. I don't pretend to be anything else. You just set me up for a test, you don't want me to pass.

Prudie Drummond:
No, no. This isn't a test. This is something to share.

Dean Drummond:
Why don't you just tell me what it's about?

Prudie Drummond:
It's about these two people who used to love each other. And they don't any more. And it's about how they persuade themselves to give it another try... Look I can get you started off. Okay? [she begins to read the first page]

Dean Drummond:
Prudie... Come on, you're not really going to read this all aloud... Alright, one page...

Bernadette:
Let us never underestimate the power of a well-written letter.

Daniel Avila:
I was just thinking about something Allegra said at Jocelyn's the other day...so we're talking about how we all need to have connection, you know, conversation, sex, companionship, and Allegra says, "Well, you get all that from Mommy." I have to tell you, it really made me sad.

Sylvia Avila:
Aw, baby, she'll find somebody.

Daniel Avila:
No, it made me sad for us, because I've been struggling with whether a marriage can sustain all of that over, uh, over 20+ years or if it's just inevitable that after a certain amount of time-- maybe being with somebody else can have a renewing effect, because for me-- I've been seeing a woman at work. We've been together 6 months now . . . We, we can't think of this as a failure. We have had a very successful marriage. We've had a long marriage, by any standard. We got 3 wonderful kids. They're grown, they're working, they're--

Sylvia Avila:
Just open the damn door, Daniel, I need a tissue.

Daniel Avila:
The kids, that's, that's all you, you know, you made all the sacrifices, I know. But there's a logic to us quitting while we're ahead, and I think they'll be able to see that, you know?

Sylvia Avila:
I don't understand a single word of what you're saying, Daniel.