The Jerky Boys

Johnny:
[being possessed by Sol Rosenburg] Oh, God! My mother, she woke me up today. She poured a hot pan of grease all over my chest and my ass and genitals and I fell down the stairs and my shoes fell off.

Burger Bob Customer:
What does that have to do with ANYTHING?

Johnny:
[being possessed by Sol Rosenburg] Because I can't see damn it, you son of a b*tch

Band Manager:
The f***in' MONKEYS?

[Kamal throws a piece of cement to Foreman's head]

Construction Foreman:
Hey, you two, Johnny and Kamal, get back to work, we got a job to finish here!

Johnny:
[being possessed by Jack Tors] Oh, were you trying to get me, sweetie cakes?

Construction Foreman:
Goddamnit Johnny, cut the bullshit, huh?

Johnny:
[being possessed by Jack Tors] Oh, yeah? Why don't you come up here and show me your toolbox? We can go up on the bridge and I'll fur you up head up first into a f***in' sailor dive and I'll join with you down in the water and I'll rub all sea weed all over your ass and you neck and sh*t. Oooh, we'll have a good time!

Construction Foreman:
That's it, you two! You're fired!

Kamal:
[being possessed by Tarbash] Cab 1557, I want to speak to dispatch, please.

Woman on the Radio:
Yeah, what do you want?

Kamal:
[being possessed by Tarbash] I'm somewhere on Houston Street. How do I get back into Queens?

Woman on the Radio:
What? You've been here for ten years, you idiot! You don't know how to get to Queens?

Kamal:
[being possessed by Tarbash] Listen, some big guy come into my cab. He asked me to change the bill, I didn't. He took a big... hit me over the head. My teeth hurting, I cannot even remember... [screaming] Help!

Woman on the Radio:
Some guy hit you with a brick? Why didn't you say something? Let me get the cops over there!

Kamal:
[being possessed by Tarbash] Oh. No, no, no. No cops, thank you.

Ernie Lazarro:
He insulted me, called me names? Like what?

Tony Scarboni:
Fruity ass.

Ernie Lazarro:
A what?

Tony Scarboni:
A fruity ass.

Ernie Lazarro:
What the hell is a fruity ass?

Mrs. B:
Brett is a very nice hard working man. I wish the two of you were more like Brett Weir.

Johnny:
Ah, come on. It's not like we ain't had jobs. What about the mason's job we had a ways back?

Woman at the Hospital:
Sir, could you please use a proper terminology?