The Kennel Murder Case

[while posing Doris with her champion dog and his numerous awards, the photographer hikes the lady's skirt to show her shapely legs]

Photographer at Dog Show:
There! That's great!

[Doris rearranges her skirt to cover her legs]

Doris Delafield:
Sorry, boys, but these are not trophies.

Philo Vance:
Say, Markham, I just heard about Arthur Coe.

Dist. Atty. Markham:
Yes. Too bad he had to bump himself off like that.

Philo Vance:
Hmm, that's why I called you. You sure that he did bump himself off?

Dist. Atty. Markham:
Well, his butler tells us he's sitting in a locked room with a revolver in his hand and a bullet in his head. I don't know what else you'd call it.

Philo Vance:
Well, if you knew Archer Coe, you would know that suicide would be almost a psychological impossibility for him.

Dist. Atty. Markham:
Psychological, bosh! Now two and two make four, don't they?

Philo Vance:
How do you know you have two and two?

Philo Vance:
What do you think of the suicide theory now, Sergeant?

Detective Sgt. Heath:
Well, it's slightly complicated since the man shot, slugged and stabbed himself - especially in the back.

Dist. Atty. Markham:
Haven't you got any ideas, Vance?

Philo Vance:
Markham, it's a maze of conflicting clues. Any one of seven people might have done it.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
We couldn't convict seven people, Mr. Vance.

Philo Vance:
You couldn't convict one with the evidence you've got.

Dr. Doremus:
I'm a doctor, not a magician.

Dr. Doremus:
I'm a doctor, not a detective.

Philo Vance:
[Refering to the wounded Sir Thomas] Could the wound have been self-inflicted, doctor?

Dr. Doremus:
I'm the city butcher, not a detective. Don't bother me with any murders after three tomorrow. I'm going to the World Series.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
[Walking into the Coe study filled with Chinese antiques] What is this - a bedroom or a museum? More junk here than a Chinese josh house!

Detective Sgt. Heath:
"Unsolved Murders!" That's a swell book to take to Chicago!

Dr. Doremus:
[Referring to the corpse] He's been dead for four hours.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
[Sarcastically] And me thinkin' he's playin' possum.

Dr. Doremus:
Well, there are too many people in the world anyway!

Dr. Doremus:
Sergeant, here's your order for removal of the body.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
Thanks, Doc.

Dr. Doremus:
So long. I want food.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
Well, nobody's stoppin' yuh.

Dr. Doremus:
And if you got any more corpses, bring 'em out now, will yuh? I can't be running up and down here all day!

Detective Sgt. Heath:
Watta yuh mean running up and down all day with that swell car the city gave yuh?

Dr. Doremus:
[With frustration as he leaves] Ugh!

Detective Sgt. Heath:
[as the doctor's leaving] Nothing upsets the doctor clearly.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
[after a frustrating develpment] Well, Mr. Vance, where are we now?

Philo Vance:
I should say somewhere in the middle of the Gobi Desert.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
[to Vance] I've got it! The Chinese cook! They're always full of those tricks.

Dr. Doremus:
[Referring to the corpse] There couldn't have been much of a struggle. His hair isn't even mussed.

Detective Sgt. Heath:
Maybe somebody slugged him and then combed his hair.

Dr. Doremus:
[Frustrated, after being called for the third time] I'd like to rent a room here until they finish this case.