The Kids Are All Right

Jules Allgood:
[to Laser] I wish you were gay, you'd be much more sensitive.

Jules Allgood:
I need to say something. It's no big secret your mom and I are in hell right now, and... Bottom line is, marriage is hard. Its really f***ing hard. Just two people slogging through the sh*t, year after year, getting older, changing. Its a f***ing marathon, okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're together so long, that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. Instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices, which is what I did. And I feel sick about it because I love you guys, and I love your mom, and that's the truth. Sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most. I don't know why. You know, if I read more Russian novels, then... I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what I did. I hope you'll forgive me eventually. Thank you.

Nic Allgood:
[to Jules] So, are you straight now?

Paul Hatfield:
It's hard enough to open your heart in this world. Don't make it harder.

Laser:
Why did you donate your sperm?

Paul:
Because it seemed more fun than donating blood.

Paul:
Just making an observation.

Nic:
Yeah? Well I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass!

Sasha:
I'm just saying, the spermster's a hottie. Is he single?

Joni:
Okay, first of all: Ew. And second, he's a really good person, so I prefer it if you didn't taint him with your "whore youth".

Sasha:
Fair enough, hairy muff.

Nic:
Maybe we should just sit him down and ask him already.

Jules:
What? "Are you and Clay f***ing?"

Nic:
"Exploring" is a better word.

Laser:
I don't think you guys should break up.

Nic:
No? Why's that?

Laser:
I think you're too old.

Nic:
[wryly] Thanks, Laser.

[Jules grins and puts a hand on Nic's knee, and Nic covers the hand with her own]