The Late Shift

David Letterman:
[outside CBS Studios right before the press conference] Gentlemen, we are just going from one bizarre circumstance to the next.

Michael Ovitz:
Peter, I know Dave's circumstances, and so I know why you're here. Dave is a star of such compelling stature that frankly it makes me personally angry he finds himself this abused. We pride ourselves here at CAA in developing a career plan for our clients that protects them as much as it enriches them. David has set such an incredibly high professional standard and yet he is going disturbingly unrewarded. That just doesn't make any sense; it's simply bad business practice. Obviously, we have an interest in establishing a business relationship with you Dave, and you Peter. Frankly, we have worked out a career plan for David, and it includes securing everything for Dave that he wants. EVERYTHING. Of course that means an 11:30 television show. Dave will be offered an 11:30 show, and he will be offered it by every network. The geometry of the deal will be far larger, the studios will be in, the syndicators, the full range of the entertainment industry. We shall frame a deal that will make you one of the giants. And if you give us the privilege of working with you, CAA will take care of everything your talents deserve, and our spirit desires.

David Letterman:
[embarrassed] How can a television show be worth all this embarrassment?

Jay Leno:
I may look stupid, but I'm Italian. I know how to find information!

Reporter #3:
Are you gonna kick Jay Leno's ass?

David Letterman:
I'll kick your ass.

David Letterman:
Peter, take that stupid rug off your head. And Morty, straighten your tie. This isn't a tractor pull.

Reporter #2:
Are you going to bring Paul Shaffer along on the new show?

David Letterman:
[deadpan] Paul who? Oh, God! We forgot about Paul. Howard, is there just a little bit left over for Paul?