The Lion King 1½

Pumbaa:
(twice during the film) Uh...I don't do so well in crowds.

Rafiki:
Look beyond what you see.

Timon:
This could be the start of a beautiful...acquaintanceship.

Timon:
(about Simba) He's gone? Whaddaya mean he's gone?!

Nala:
It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned. [Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly] (sighs) You guys want me to go over it again?

Timon:
Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating!

Nala:
Okay. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas...

[As Nala talks, Timon and Pumbaa stop listening.]

Pumbaa:
(thinks) Poor Simba. The treachery! The villainy! The sheer indescribable horror!

Timon:
(thinks) Blah blah blah. Why is she toying with us? This crazy chick is gonna eat us!

Nala:
...So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king! [Timon and Pumbaa stare blankly at her.] Ohh, don't you get it?! Simba needs us! Now!

[The scene repeatedly goes back and forth between a night scene where Simba wakes up Timon and a day scene where Timon is harmed during one of Simba's antics.]

Simba:
Timon, Timon! TIMON! (Timon grunts) I gotta go!

Timon:
(Voice very faint) Go? Go where?

Simba:
You know: Go! Bad!

Timon:
[gets the idea] Oh, you mean go?! Then why didn't you say so?! Come on, let's go!

(On the log bridge)

Timon:
Listen, kid, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

(On a very high tree, "Jungle Boogie" plays)

Timon:
Young lion, get down from there!

Simba:
Yahoo! All right! Hey, you guys look like ants down there!

Timon:
I'm counting to three!

(Simba jumps onto a weak branch, it breaks)

Pumbaa:
Uh oh!

(Simba continues to fall)

Timon:
One! Two!

(Pumbaa jumps onto Timon, making a pillow for Simba to land on)

Timon:
(Gasping for air) Threeeeee.

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" starts again)

Simba:
Timon?

Timon:
Wha? Again?!

Simba:
No, I'm thirsty.

(Back on the log bridge)

Timon:
You know, kid, this means you'll be up again about 2 hours from now.

(Location:
A river leading to an 500 ft waterfall. "Jungle Boogie" plays while Simba swims peacefully. A floating camera captures Timon swimming vigurously.)

Timon:
Hang on, Simba! I'll save ya!

(Simba goes off the waterfall; Pumbaa catches him.)

Timon:
(falls) YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" Plays Yet Again)

Simba:
Timon? (frowns)

(Back to the log bridge)

Timon:
(extremely tired) You know, I'm gonna get old walking over this thing.

(Simba Pounces Timon in the Air, "Jungle Boogie" plays for a final time.)

Timon:
YYAAAAAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYAAAY!

("The Lion Sleeps Tonight" plays for a final time)

Simba:
Timon?

(Music finally stops. Timon grabs his ears in stress.)

Timon:
(Angry with bloodshot eyes) WHAT HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST THE CONCEPT OF A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, HUH?!

Simba:
Actually, I had a bad dream.

[Timon causes a cave-in while digging a hole.]

Max:
That would be... TIMON!

Timon:
1! 2! 3!

Pumbaa:
Uh-oh. I don't do some well a crowds, maybe better go around.

Timon:
Don't you know, sure isn't to be right home to straight line, follow me.

[at the end of the film]

Timon:
Well, that's it. The big wrap-up. The happy ending. The grand finale.

Pumbaa:
It's over already?

Timon:
Well, Pumbaa, that's the thing about endings. They come at the end.

Pumbaa:
Oh, can we watch it again?

Timon:
Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow.

Ma:
[enters] Hey, what're you guys doin'? [notices the film and gasps] You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch, too!

Timon:
Ma! We just finished! Show's over!

Ma:
Well, you're just gonna hafta rewind it. [runs the film back]

Timon:
Ma!

Ma:
Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie!

Timon:
Oh, no!

Max:
[enters with popcorn] Hey, I brought extra butter!

Simba:
[enters] Hey, you guys are watching the movie?

Rafiki:
[enters with laughter] Any story worth telling is worth telling twice!

[many a Disney character enters the theater]

Timon:
What the--?

Snow White:
Oh, excuse me.

Dwarves:
[one by one, save for Grumpy] Excuse me.

Grumpy:
Get outta the way.

Timon:
Who is this crowd? Hey! Down in front!

[Stitch bounces repeatedly from one character to another]

Goofy:
Gawrsh!

Stitch:
Aloha!

[Peter Pan crows like a rooster]

Timon:
Watch it!

[he gets stuck in between two characters, then approaches Pumbaa]

Timon:
Okay, buddy. You win.

Pumbaa:
Sure you don't mind?

Timon:
Hakuna matata.

[he grabs the remote and starts the film]

Pumbaa:
Timon, I still don't do so well in crowds.

Rafiki:
To find Hakuna Matata, you must look beyond what you see.

[from trailer]

Timon:
That's it Pumbaa. My fuse, it's genius. There! Now this titles are knock out. OW!! Not literally!

Pumbaa:
Um... I don't do so well in crowds. Maybe we better go around.

Timon:
Don't you know the shortest distance between me and my dream home is a straight line? Follow me!

Animal #1:
Oh.

Timon:
Excuse me!

Animal #2:
Ow.

Animal #3:
Hello!

Animal #4:
Goodness.

Timon:
Make room, make room. Watch it, Twiggy. I'm walking here!

Pumbaa:
This bowling from porcupines. [spits one of three quills] Wasn't for best idea, huh?

Timon:
Yeah. It got to be right up there with bobbing for snapping turtles. Aah-hah-hah-hah-hoo!!!!

Pumbaa:
That's going to leave a mark. (he spits the second quill)

Timon:
Beyond what I see.

Timon:
Friends stick together to the end.

Timon:
Just eat me now and please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain!

Timon:
[whispering] I see carnivores.

Rafiki:
Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

Uncredited:
Mickey Mouse

Uncredited:
Snow White

Uncredited:
Dwarves

Uncredited:
Mrs. Potts

Uncredited:
Chip

Uncredited:
Beast

Uncredited:
Belle

Uncredited:
Genie

Uncredited:
Aladdin

Uncredited:
Jasmine

Uncredited:
Magic Carpet

Uncredited:
Lady

Uncredited:
Tramp

Uncredited:
Tod

Uncredited:
Copper

Uncredited:
Hyacinth Hippo

Uncredited:
Goofy

Uncredited:
Mad Hatter

Uncredited:
March Hare

Uncredited:
Lilo

Uncredited:
Stitch

Uncredited:
Donald Duck

Uncredited:
Peter Pan

Uncredited:
Tinker Bell

Uncredited:
Quasimodo

Uncredited:
Pocahontas

Uncredited:
Lost Boys

Uncredited:
Mowgli

Uncredited:
Baloo

Uncredited:
Shanti

Uncredited:
Hugo

Uncredited:
Victor

Uncredited:
Laverne

Uncredited:
Terk

Uncredited:
Dumbo

Uncredited:
Flora

Uncredited:
Fauna

Uncredited:
Merryweather

Uncredited:
Br'er Bear