The Love Letter

Miss Constance Scattergoods:
I do think, dear, that, whenever I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until it passes over.

Miss Constance Scattergoods:
A thinning gene pool is a terrible thing to witness. Ah, civilization's crowning achievement: the cocktail hour.

Janet Hall:
Daddy's gonna play with his fire hose. That didn't sound right.

Janet Hall:
Okay, well, here are your books. Uh, the Complete Idiots Guide to Surviving Divorce, The Divorce Workbook, and of course, How Come nobody loves me?

Lillian MacFarquhar:
So, there you are darling, Mommy's a dyke.

Lillian MacFarquhar:
It's one of the ironies of my otherwise straight forward life that I have fallen in love twice. Both times with people who insist on living in this godforsaken town.

Janet Hall:
[George is about to fumigate a beehive] *BE* careful! Get it?

Johnny:
No one knows what they want Jennifer, that's the human condition.

Jennifer:
Some people know what they want, I mean, they might not know how to get it but they know what they want.

Text of the letter:
Dearest, Do you know how much in love with you I am? Did I trip? Did I stumble - lose my balance, graze my knee, graze my heart? I know I'm in love when I see you. I know when I long to see you, I'm on fire. Not a muscle has moved. Leaves hang unruffled by any breeze. The air is still. I have fallen in love without taking a step. You are all wrong for me and I know it, but I can no longer care for my thoughts unless they are thoughts of you. When I am close to you, I feel your hair brush my cheek when it does not. I look away from you sometimes, then I look back. When I tie my shoes, when I peel an orange, when I drive my car, when I lie down each night without you, I remain,

Text of the letter:
Yours

Johnny:
I've never felt this way before.

Helen:
Of course not. You're twenty.

Janet Hall:
[surrounded by a group of women in the cafe hanging on her every word]... so that is my feelings on salt and pepper and sugar. Condiments: let's move onto that. Ketchup: obviously the most popular condiment. I don't think anybody's going to disagree with me on that one. First of all, always wipe the bottles down. Sticky: there's nothing grosser than that. I mean, i'm sure there's something grosser... but it's pretty gross to have it sticky when you're trying to have a...