The Man

[from trailer]

[after Derrick shoots Andy in the butt]

Andy Fidler:
You shot me!

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
I grazed you.

Andy Fidler:
Well, that's still shooting me!

[repeated line]

Andy Fidler, Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Oh, f***-cryin' out loud!

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
I'm gonna check the front of my car. If it smells like ass, I'm gonna beat you like a runaway slave.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
If you try to run this time, I'll put a bullet in a part of your ass where you're gonna need it.

Andy Fidler:
[while farting] It's just a little flatulence.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Just a little flatulence? An elephant can sh*t in the back and not smell as bad.

Andy Fidler:
I haven't met anyone that I didn't become friends with... eventually.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Really? Because I haven't met anyone who's ass I didn't kick... eventually.

Andy Fidler:
Does the expression, "No man is an island", ring any bells?

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
[yelling] Does the expression, "Shut your ass up!", ring any bells?

Andy Fidler:
I just think we should be cooperating if I'm going to be your partner...

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
You are *not* my partner!

Andy Fidler:
Really? Then what am I?

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
You're my b*tch. My own personal b*tch. When I pull the strings, you dance. Till then, you sit there, keep your mouth shut, and don't say a word... like the puppet you are.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Oh, so you the MAN now?

Andy Fidler:
Y-yes, I am the man!

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
You know how I can tell you're lyin'? I can smell the bullshit coming out of your mouth.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Which one of you spice girls blew my partner away?

Joey:
That would be me.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
Well, I guess that makes you scary spice.

Special Agent Derrick Vann:
[to Internal Affairs] You wanna charge me with not being upset, go right ahead.