The Man with the Golden Gun

[Bond has jumped into a car that Sheriff Pepper was checking inside a dealership. He drives through the dealership window & takes off in pursuit of Scaramanga & Nick Nack, who kidnapped Mary Goodnight and are holding her in the trunk of their car]

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
[caught off guard as Bond turns the car around] What the HELL is going on?

[Bond starts a wild pursuit of Scaramanga & Nick Nack]

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
Hey! I KNOW you! [points at Bond. Bond glances up & recognizes Pepper]

James Bond:
Oh, no!

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
You're that Secret Agent! That English secret agent! From England!

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
Let's go get 'em! I'm with you all the way! [Bond & Pepper continue chasing Scaramanga through Bangkok traffic]

Francisco Scaramanga:
A duel between titans... my golden gun against your Walther PPK.

James Bond:
One bullet against my six?

Francisco Scaramanga:
I only need one, Mr. Bond.

James Bond:
I mean sir, who would pay a million dollars to have me killed?

M:
Jealous husbands! Outraged chefs! Humiliated tailors! The list is endless!

Francisco Scaramanga:
I like a girl in a bikini. No concealed weapons.

James Bond:
My name is Scaramanga. Francisco Scaramanga. I feel I know you, although I never thought we would ever really meet. But it has been a pleasure for me to finally meet you Mr. Bond, thanks to Miss Anders here.

James Bond:
You have a strange way of showing your gratitude.

Francisco Scaramanga:
A mistress cannot serve two masters. She was a difficult shot, but a most gratifying.

James Bond:
We all get our jollies one way or another.

Francisco Scaramanga:
Mine has always been guns, Mr. Bond.

Lazar:
Mr. Bond, bullets do not kill. It is the finger that pulls the trigger.

James Bond:
Exactly. I am now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak or forever hold your piece.

Francisco Scaramanga:
Ours is the loneliest profession, Mr. Bond.

James Bond:
Miss Anders... I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

[James is sitting in the car]

James Bond:
Goodnight! Where are the car keys?

Goodnight:
[from inside Scaramanga's trunk] Oh, I've got the keys. And I've got the Solex too!

James Bond:
Did you see who shot Fairbanks?

Saida:
No, I was in his arms. My eyes were closed.

James Bond:
Well, at least he died happy.

Waiter:
[Bond's waiter shows him the wine label] With the compliments...

James Bond:
PHUYUCK?

Waiter:
'74, sir.

James Bond:
[Bond sips some wine] I approve.

Goodnight:
[looking at him incredulously] You do?

James Bond:
Oh, not the wine, your frock. Tight in all the right places, not too many buttons.

Goodnight:
Standard uniform for Southeast Asia. The buttons are down the back.

James Bond:
Designed by Q no doubt. One of them is a suicide pill I suppose?

Goodnight:
No, but the bottom one has a homer in it.

[M stares in shock as Bond relays news of his foul-up]

James Bond:
And that's really all there is to it...

M:
So if I understand it, Scaramanga got away - in a car that sprouted wings!

Q:
Oh, that's perfectly feasible, sir. In fact, we're working on one now.

M:
Oh, shut up, Q!

James Bond:
We found the carplane abandonned about two hundred miles west of Bangkok.

M:
And the Solex?

Lieutenant Hip:
In Goodnight's handbag, sir.

M:
[shakes head] And where is Miss Goodnight now?

James Bond:
Well, Communications aren't picking up the signal from the homing device she has supplied by Q.

Q:
[indignantly] Rubbish! They're simply not stepping up reception sufficiently to enable...

M:
[cuts him off] Oh, Q, shut up! Of all the fouled-up, half-witted operations...

Colthorpe:
[trying to trace origins of a golden bullet] Lazar?

Q:
Lazar? Hmm, imaginative, highly specialised... Yes! I concur.

James Bond:
Well, what the hell is Lazar?

Colthorpe:
Not "what", "who". Portuguese. Lives in Macau.

Q:
Chap who made the bullet, 007!

James Bond:
He couldn't have missed me tonight. Instead, he hit some chap coming out of the club. I got quite a shock when I saw who it was.

M:
I should think you did.

James Bond:
Our missing solar-energy expert, Gibson.

M:
Yes, Gibson! He was prepared to come back, under special terms. That's why I'm out here with Professor Frazier. I almost wish that Scaramanga had a contract out on you.

James Bond:
Moneypenny - Fairbanks.

Moneypenny:
Alaska.

James Bond:
No, Bill Fairbanks. 002.

Moneypenny:
[Sadly] Oh, poor Bill. I miss him.

James Bond:
Yes, well the man with the golden gun didn't.

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
[to Elephant] Get your cotton-picking schnoz out of my pants, y'know!

Andrea Anders:
Ow! You're hurting my arm!

James Bond:
I'll break it unless you tell me what I want.

Francisco Scaramanga:
How do you like my island, Mr Bond?

James Bond:
A bit off the beaten track, isn't it?

Francisco Scaramanga:
You get as much pleasure out of killing as I do, so why don't you admit it?

James Bond:
I admit killing you would be a pleasure.

Francisco Scaramanga:
Then you should have done that when you first saw me. On the other hand, the English don't consider it sporting to kill in cold blood, do they?

James Bond:
Don't count on that.

Francisco Scaramanga:
You see, Mr Bond, like all great artists I want to create one indisputable masterpiece: the death of 007.

James Bond:
You mean stuffed and mounted over your rocky mantelpiece?

Francisco Scaramanga:
It's an amusing idea, but I was thinking more in terms of history.

James Bond:
Pistols at dawn; it's a little old-fashioned, isn't it?

Francisco Scaramanga:
That it is. But it remains the only true test for gentlemen.

James Bond:
On that score, I doubt you qualify. However, I accept.

Nick-nack:
I may be small but I never forget!

Francisco Scaramanga:
[after Bond has broken out of Hai Fat's karate school]... What do they teach at that academy? Ballet dancing?

Hai Fat:
I find nothing amusing in Mr. Bond's escape. May I remind you that you work for me. I took you on to be an occasional consultant, nothing more. I did not pay you to interfere in my affairs. Is that understood? Now, return to the plant and don't leave there without my permission.

[he doesn't see Scaramanga assembling the Golden Gun]

Hai Fat:
...I now regret having even considered employing your services, but that is beside the point. Bond doesn't know you; he's never seen you. But he knows me. That's the problem.

Francisco Scaramanga:
That's no problem.

[He shoots Fat dead, then disassembles the Golden Gun as one of Fat's aides comes to investigate]

Francisco Scaramanga:
...Mr. Fat has just resigned. I am the new Chairman of the Board.

[goes outside]

Francisco Scaramanga:
...Fat always did like that mausoleum. Put him in it.

[first lines]

Francisco Scaramanga:
Nick Nack! Tabasco!

Nick-nack:
Right away, Monsieur Scaramanga.

[last lines]

M:
[over the phone] Bond? Bond, are you there? Goodnight?

[Bond picks up phone]

James Bond:
She's just coming, sir.

[Bond sets phone back down]

M:
Goodnight? Goodnight? Goodnight!

[Bond pick up phone again]

James Bond:
Good night, sir.

[Bond hangs up phone]

[Bond returns having dealt with the murderous Nick Nack]

Goodnight:
Oh, James. You didn't!

James Bond:
Yes, I damn well did!

Francisco Scaramanga:
This is the part I really like.

[Scaramanga destroys Bond's sea plane with a solar-powered weapon]

Francisco Scaramanga:
Now that's what I call solar power.

James Bond:
That's what I call trouble.

[after Scaramanga kills a hired gun brought in by Nick Nack]

Nick-nack:
This one was the best, n'est-ce pas?

Scaramanga:
Not bad, not bad at all. But you're going to have to do better if you want to come into my money.

Nick-nack:
I'll get you yet. And I'll enjoy everything you leave me.

Scaramanga:
You'll be the death of me yet, Nick Nack.

Francisco Scaramanga:
When I was a boy I was brought up in a circus. My only real friend was a huge, magnificent African bull elephant. One day, his handler mistreated him and he went berserk. Bleeding, dying, he came and found me, stood on one leg, his best trick, picked me up and put me on his back. The drunken handler came along and emptied his gun into his eye... I emptied my stage pistol into his!

James Bond:
An eye for an eye.

Francisco Scaramanga:
You see, Mr. Bond, I always thought I loved animals. Then I discovered that I enjoyed killing people even more.

[on the dead Andrea Ankers]

Francisco Scaramanga:
Forget the girl, she's replaceable. Eventually, I shall find what she stole from me. Personally, I've got nothing against you, Mr. Bond, and to keep it that way, let us hope our paths never cross again. Please don't try to follow me.

James Bond:
Your peanut-toting friend back there wouldn't like it?

Francisco Scaramanga:
No, he wouldn't.

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
What's goin' on with you? What the hell you doin' now, boy? The bridge is that way!

[Sheriff Pepper sees Bond is about to drive over a wrecked bridge]

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
You're not gonna...

James Bond:
[mimicking Pepper's Southern accent] I sure am, boy! Ever hear of Evel Knievel?

James Bond:
Good morning. How's the water?

Chew Mee:
Why don't you come in and find out?

James Bond:
Sounds very tempting, Miss...?

Chew Mee:
Chew Mee.

James Bond:
Really? Well, there's only one small problem. I have no swimming trunks.

Chew Mee:
Neither have I.

[Seeing Andrea Anders dead, Bond begins looking through her purse for the Solex device]

James Bond:
Darling, it must be in your handbag. I saw the man at the shop give it to you.

[Scaramanga appears and sits beside Bond who takes little notice]

James Bond:
[to Scaramanga] Sorry for what it must look like. Without the ticket, we can't get a recpit for customs.

Francisco Scaramanga:
You woun't find it in there, Mr. Bond. I looked before you came.

[alarmed, Bond is going to draw his gun against Scaramanga]

Francisco Scaramanga:
I wouldn't do that either. Look behind you. [Bond turns around, but sees no one] Lower.

[Bond looks down and realizes Nick Nack is behind him with a small pistol and a bag of peanuts in his hands]

James Bond:
A gun in a bag of peanuts, how original. What will they think of next?

James Bond:
You live well, Scaramanga.

Francisco Scaramanga:
At a million dollars a contract I can afford to, Mr Bond. You work for peanuts, a hearty well done from her Majesty the Queen and a pittance of a pension. Apart from that we are the same. To us, Mr Bond, we are the best.

James Bond:
There's a useful four letter word, and you're full of it.

Saida:
Ah! I've lost my charm!

James Bond:
Not from where I'm standing.

Nick-nack:
[after Bond sticks him into a suitcase] I'll kill you if you don't let me out of there! Agh! Let me out! You big bully!

James Bond:
Shut up!

[on the solar gun he is about to destroy Bond's seaplane with]

Francisco Scaramanga:
[proudly] This is a bonus. Goes with the solex, no extra charge!

[Goodnight, a prisoner on Scaramanga's island, appears in a bikini]

Francisco Scaramanga:
Ah, here's Miss Goodnight now.

Goodnight:
James!

James Bond:
Aren't we a little overdressed, Goodnight?

James Bond:
Bond, James Bond

Rodney:
[he's just shot a wax replica of Al Capone] Hey, Al. Al, wherever you are, don't hold it against me!

Francisco Scaramanga:
[at lunch] Let us see what Nick Nack has for us. Ahh, mushrooms!

Goodnight:
[sharply, to Bond] The fried mushroom looks terribly interesting.

James Bond:
Yes, I had noticed that. I'll get around to it later.

Maybelle Pepper:
Oh look, J.W.! I just got to have me one of those cute little elephants.

Sheriff J.W. Pepper:
[spits] Elephants! We're Democrats, Maybelle.

Andrea Anders:
[kissing Bond] I've dreamt about you setting me free...

James Bond:
I've, uh, been dreaming about a Solex agitator. Ever heard of one?

Andrea Anders:
[Bond is interrogating her for Scaramanga's whereabouts] I know he has a date at the Bottom's Up club tonight!

James Bond:
How will I recognize him?

Andrea Anders:
Tall, slim and dark.

James Bond:
So is my aunt. Anything distinctive about him?

Andrea Anders:
Yes, but how can I... [sigh] He's not like other people. He has three... [points to her chest]

James Bond:
Oh. Fascinating anatomical tidbit, but probably the most useless piece of information I ever heard. Unless of course the Bottom's Up is a strip club and Scaramanga is performing there.