The Man with Two Brains

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
[Grabbing an expensive vase during a marital spat] Our marriage lies broken on the floor, like the shards of glass on our honeymoon suite! [He slams the vase to the ground, but it bounces back up into his hands.] Ahhh! Oh-ho! 19th-Century Indian rubber vase, eh?!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
I never knew it could be like that! [sighs] So… so… professional!

[A recurring scene in the operating room…]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
Metzenbaum scissors!

Nurse:
Metzenbaum scissors!

[A cat meows.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
Get that cat out of here!

[Dr. Brandon is arguing with Dr. Hfuhruhurr about his performing the operation on Dolores.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
But there's only one other person I'd trust to perform this operation - Beckerman!

Dr. Brandon:
Well Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe! You know that!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
Exactly! Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
The only time we doctors should accept death is when it's caused by our own incompetence!

Dr. Necessiter:
Nonsense! If the murder of twelve innocent people can help save one human life, it will have been worth it!

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr is rowing with Anne's enjarred brain, complete with sunhat and sunglasses, along an idyllic creek.]

Anne Uumellmahaye:
I don't think there's a girl floating in any jar anywhere who's as happy as I am! Oh, Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
Are you out of your head? [pauses] Sorry, I forgot.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr removes Anne's brain from the oven Dolores tried to bake her in. He tries to cool her off in the sink.]

Anne Uumellmahaye:
I… I think I'm alright.

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
Count to ten!

Anne Uumellmahaye:
1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… [pause] 10.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr turns to Dolores in a rage.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
You! You cooked her nines!

[As the police try to stop the experiment…]

Inspector:
You are playing God!

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
SOMEBODY has to!

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr is arguing with Delores.]

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
[Exasperated] Dolores, I am making a citizen's divorce.

Dolores:
[laughing] What?

Dr. Hfuhruhurr:
By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and void! E pluribus unum!