The Marvelous M Show

Taz:
"I'm going to the dentist."

Malcolm:
"Why are you going to the dentist?"

Taz:
"My tooth is killing me."

Malcolm:
"Oh please. I can fix that problem in 5 minutes."

Taz:
"Uh... my tooth is feeling a lot better now!"

Malcolm:
"Shut your trap and open your mouth!"

Malcolm:
[Watches the "WB Yourself" commercial from Kids WB] "Dear god. I dress just like this kid! And Ace Ventura."

Malcolm:
"You distract her. I'll run!"

Rhino:
"Ri... What About Me?"

Malcolm:
"You are so selfish."

Malcolm:
"Hey there lady! Is that a mirror in your pocket? Or can I just see myself in your shorts?"

Chris the Redneck:
[Walks into a river]

Malcolm:
[Sarcastically] Is it cold down there?

Chris the Redneck:
Why don't you get your fat ass down here and find out!

Malcolm:
Your gonna say, "The Marvelous M Rules" after I rip it. 1... 2... 3. [Rips wax strip off of Garrity's chest]

Garrity:
OY!

Malcolm:
SAY IT! SAY IT!

Garrity:
F*** THAT HURT!

Crazy J:
Your out of your GOD DAMN EVERLOVIN' RABBIT ASS MIND! [Babbles incoherently]

Chase:
I'm a... a bit of an Elf on a Shelf.

Taz:
Wow!

Malcolm:
Amazing!

Rhino:
No wonder your so short.

Chase:
HEY!

Malcolm:
You know, my grandmother was jewish, and she told me about "The Minsch on the Bench".

Chase:
I forbid you to make that joke.

Malcolm:
[Excited] Oh look, another letter! [Opens up a letter from Santa]

Santa Claus:
Dear Malcolm. You don't get the one ring of Sauron. You Get NOTHING! All you have done is swear and slap people around. That is by FAR the naughtiest thing I can think of! i hope you've learned your lesson. Santa Claus. Ho ho ho!

Malcolm:
WHAT A FAT F***!

Malcolm:
[Lifts the TV Remote] Once you are able to snatch this remote from my hand, you will be ready to...

Taz:
[Takes the remote while Malcolm is talking]

Malcolm:
Not yet.

Taz:
Oh, sorry. [Gives the remote back]

Malcolm:
Gak made a comeback, Surge made a comeback, French Toast Crunch made a comeback, Gas is under $2, the Cowboys are in the Play-Offs! Is time going in reverse!

Nickelodeon Announcer:
And now, back to Nickelodeon's "Breadwinners"!

Malcolm:
Nope, Nickelodeon still sucks. When was it that Nickelodeon just GAVE UP?

Rhino:
Until then, Nickelodeon... we will keep making fun of you until you return to your former glory.

Chase:
Well... you guys are pitiful.

Malcolm:
How?

Chase:
You are grown ass men!

Malcolm:
Yes. Yes, we are.

Chase:
But yet, you're... complaining over a... children's channel?

Rhino:
You're defending Nickelodeon?

Chase:
Oh god no. I'm just saying that Nickelodeon is trying to entertain the children of today. You know... modern times?

Rhino:
[Rhino and Malcolm have an epiphany] So...

Malcolm:
We have to move on.

Rhino:
We have to grow up.

Malcolm:
We have to mature.

Rhino:
And let the past go.

Rhino and Malcolm:
[They are silent for at least 3 seconds until they look at Chase] F*** THAT SH**!

Malcolm:
[Malcolm smacks Taz after reading the temperature]

Taz:
Ow! What was that for?

Malcolm:
I blame you for this weather?

Taz:
Wha... how is this my fault?

Malcolm:
I don't know, but if it gets one degree colder, I'm gonna kick your ass!

Malcolm:
Hey, would you rather it be summer or winter?

Rhino:
[With enthusiasm] WINTER!

Taz:
[Sprays Rhino with a garden hose]

Malcolm & Taz:
Wrong answer!

Malcolm:
I wonder if this video will get reviewed by Rob Dyrdek?

Taz:
Just the... that'd be cool!

Quik:
And then I said, "No! Don't stick your dick in the toaster! It'll make your toast taste funny!"

Chris the Redneck:
[Steps inside the river]

Malcolm:
[Sarcastically] Is it cold in there?

Chris the Redneck:
Why don't you get your fat ass in here and find out!

Chris the Redneck:
This is why you don't shoot people at point blank range with a 44 mag, and a 45. Well then, it was nice knowing all of you. [Shoots himself]

Taz:
"I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"

Chris the Redneck:
"Like hell, you are!" [Shoots Taz]

Taz:
I'M KING OF THE WORLD!

Chris the Redneck:
Like h*** you are! [Shoots Taz]

Malcolm:
He's gonna say "The Marvelous M Rules after he rips the wax strip off. One, Two, Three. [Rips wax strip off of his chest]

Garrity:
OY!

Malcolm:
SAY IT! SAY IT!

Garrity:
F***! THAT HURT!

Crazy J:
Your out of your GOD DAMN EVER LOVIN' RABBIT ASS MIND! [Babbles incoherently]

Malcolm:
Here's another letter.

Santa Claus:
Dear Malcolm. You don't get the one ring of Sauron. You Get NOTHING! All you have done is swear and slap people around. That is by FAR the naughtiest thing I can think of! i hope you've learned your lesson. Santa Claus. Ho ho ho!

Malcolm:
WHAT A FAT F***!

Malcolm:
"Hey Taz, check out the screen!" Hands Taz his phone.

Taz:
[Swipes phone to another photo]

Malcolm:
[Smacks Taz repeatedly] "I SAID ONE F***ING PICTURE!"